How long does liposuction take?

No seriously... I really want to know:

• How long does liposuction take?
• How much does liposuction cost?
• How long will it take to recover?

Liposuction seems to be my only resort.  I can't seem to stop gaining weight!  And no, I am not pregnant.  I sometimes wish that I was... one of the many many reasons is that I can blame the weight gain on pregnancy.  Of course, it would be stupid to try to get pregnant for that reason alone!  I have many other reasons to want to get pregnant, but that is another post of its own.

This is real talk here... I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!  Not purely for vanity reasons, but also because I want to be a healthier person in general.  Okay fine, I partly want to lose weight in vain because I do want to look and feel better in my clothes and I want my confidence level to be back to where it was once upon a time.  Ugh... there... I said it!

I've always dreamt that there is a magic pill out there that will make you lose weight without having to diet and excercise.  Stupid, I know.  Lazy, indeed.  I've spent money on all sorts of pills and let me just tell you... nothing really works!  In fact, the past month or two, I have been taking these pills that swore to make you lose weight by suppressing your appetite and make you burn more calories by doing nothing.  I've read great reviews and wanted to try (do you blame me?).  The funny thing is that the pill made me more hungry!  I used to not be hungry until 11am (skipping breakfast doesn't help, I know) but on that "magic pill", I was hungry by 7am!  Crazy, right?  I gave it a go for a few weeks and I kid you not... I gained about 10 pounds in two weeks!  I gained even more weight after that, but I was afraid of the scale.  I can feel it in my body and my clothes that I got bigger even after that.

WTF!  Shoot me now!

So from this day forward, I vow to work on my health and my fitness.  No shortcuts (if there is such thing).  No attempts at shortcuts.  (So yeah... disregard the original questions in this post)  I will work hard to get to where I want to be!

Lets do this!!

Too Much Junk...

... not just in the trunk but everywhere else!

Gaining about 20 pounds in four months without being pregnant is not normal.  What the hell have I done to myself? 

Time to get a grip and get back on the right track.

Exercising already started, but will bump that up a bit. 
Dieting starts NOW.

I am really upset with myself at the moment and trying hard to refrain from punching myself in the face.  I am sure many of you are thinking that I should just shut up and do it already (punch myself in the face)... haha!  Nah... I already messed up my body, I don't want to mess up my face too.  Its practically the only thing that is still decent!  LOL

Any good diet and fitness tips and advices out there?  Seriously... I will take and try to use anything that I can get.  I need to lose weight... now... fast!  HELP ME!

"35 or BUST!!"

So as you may already know, I did my first ever 5K run this past weekend.  :D

With only a few days to train and being so out of shape, I was on the verge of backing out.  I couldn't sleep the night before because I was THAT nervous.  I tried to load up on some carbs the night before (as I was told) and had a light, carb filled breakfast (croissant).  I tried not to drink too much water because I noticed that I tend to get cramps or side aches whenever I drink water right before running.  I figured, there will be water stations (as I have read about online).

We got to the registration area and everyone looked so ready and pumped in their gear.  Most people wore shirts saying that they've completed a half or full marathon before.  Holy shit!  I had to pee!  I tried to eavesdrop on people and heard that they've all been training or have ran before.  Some were walking their dogs for the walk, but how embarrassing would it be to run at the pace of someone who was simply walking their dog?  Ahhh... I wanted to bail so badly, but Sam wouldn't let me.  Just because he wasn't running.  Hmph!

I talked to a few friends who are experienced runners and they told me to just have fun and enjoy the run.  My best friends gave me a goal... 35 minutes or bust!  What the hell?  They do realize that I am the type of person to hop in the car and drive to go get the mail, don't they?  How the hell was I going to get an 11 minute something pace?  Yikes!

The race started... and here I go ! I tried to keep pace with the expert runners and it was going okay at first.  Then, after about a mile into it, I lost it!  I wasn't tired, but my throat was killing me!  It BURNED!  Where was the water station that I was expecting?  Thats right... THERE WAS NONE!!  Ahhhh!  I had to stop and walk because if I didn't I think my throat would have ripped out.  I knew I should have carried a tiny bottle of water with me... why didn't I listen to my gut?  Ugh!  I would start to jog again with "35 minutes or BUST" running through my head.  It wasn't long until I had to stop and walk and let me throat cool down again.  And with the cold air that morning, I thought my throat was just going to bleed... seriously.

I tried to keep pace with a few runners, and I did!  I didn't know them, but I secretly used them as a guide.  If they can do it, so can I. 

Finally, I saw the finish line.  I picked up my pace despite the burn in my throat... thinking of ways of fixing it when I'm done.  I thought to myself that even if it ripped out, the water at the finish line MIGHT help a little.  So... I ran for it!  I passed the runner that I was trying to keep up with and made it to the finish line!

33:17 --- 10:42 pace.  :)

I definitely beat my goal time, but I just KNEW then that I could have done better.  Nevertheless, it was a proud moment.  I survived and I didn't even bust!

I'm addicted.  Next time, my goal is 30 minutes or bust!

Until then, its training time! 

What did I get myself into?

On Saturday, I will be running my first 5K.  I know that 3. something miles is not really a big deal (I've been able to run this before... so it doesn't sound like too much).  BUT... I haven't ran in SOOOOOOO long!  In 2010, I've gained a lot of weight.  Let me tell you... a whole lot of weight!  Being on the set of photo shoots and films does no good for the waist line (or lack thereof).  All I did was eat the food that was being catered... at every hour!  When there is down time, there is eating time.  A huge NO NO... but I couldn't help myself!  Eeeps!  I should be punished. 

I am being punished because now, I am paying for it.  My clothes don't fit right and I refuse to shop until I feel like I look good in the clothes.  Pressure, right?  Oh well... I must.  Its really really bad... trust me!

Anyway, the race is actually a fundraiser event for Sam's work.  He won't be running with me, unfortunately, so I am not going to have a running buddy.  Boo hoo!  He registered me last week and now I am running in 4 days.  WTF?!  I hope I don't get hurt without the proper training.  I think the last time I ran anything more than 3 miles at a time was over a year ago.  Holy sh*t.  Now the more that I think about it, the scarier it is.  And with the weather being poor lately, I can't really go out there and practice or shall I say... train.  What is a girl to do?  I know I should be toughing out the rain because it might even rain that day... but man... I don't want to. Running on a treadmill is a lot different, I know... so that would only help a little.  I know I shouldn't be sitting here making up excuses, but I am.  I am lazy.  BUT... there is no backing out now. 

Excuse me while I go have a panic attack.

Breaking Out...

Since my trip to home in Washington, I've been breaking out.  WHY?  I have no idea.  :(

My Sister and I both have been breaking out (and we live in different states, if you are wondering).  We found our ways to Sephora because I originally wanted her to try:

Benefit's Boo Boo Zap!

I wasn't as impressed with it as I used to be, so then I tried asking one of the Sales Associates there what he recommended.  He gave his speech and seemed very passionate about this product:

Boscia Willow Bark Breakout Treatment

My breakout's weren't too bad at the time, but my Sister got it and is going to try it.  I asked her the other day if she tried it yet, and she said NO.  Has anyone else tried it?  I want to try this line because from what I know, its all organic and highly recommended by the Associate (which by the way, was VERY helpful).  

I guess I might just go snag myself a bottle and give it a shot.  I'm starting to break out more than ever.  I wonder if its the heat and the sweat... or is it because of my Mother Nature's Monthly Gift is due.  Well, whichever it is, I hope it goes away.

Wish me luck!  OH... and I have another dentist appointment today, so wish me luck to that too!

My Health... I was in for some shockers!

Yesterday was a day for me to take care of a few health related issues that I should have been taken care of awhile back. I was in for some shockers... and they weren't exactly good news. You ready for this?

As a child and like many others, I was one of those kids that loved to eat sweets and candies of all sorts and my teeth's health was the least of my concerns. Long story short, I had many cavities, had root canals done, and many silver caps made themselves at home within my mouth. Thankfully they were all in my molars and were only seen when I throw my head back and laugh with my mouth wiiiiiiiiiide open (which happens often). The silver caps came off gradually... one came off stuck to a cherry Now & Later (the candy), another came off while I was eating an ice cream cone, and the other came off while eating peanut brittle. Go figure... more sweets! At the age of 25, I am left with still one silver cap. I hate it because most adults I know don't have them. Grrr! I think I'm going to have it removed... somehow, someway.

Anyway... I just hate my teeth. Oh... and I'm finally going to get my chipped front tooth fixed. FINALLY. Another dentist appointment for me in a week. How exciting. Thank goodness my new found dentist is awesome... thanks to Yelp! I love that thing!

Now onto my eyeballs... here we go!

After about 10 years of wearing glasses and contacts, I just found out that I have astigmatism! WTF! I always knew that something was wrong with my eyes and they got irritated so easily. My contacts dried faster than anyone else's that I knew. I always thought that my eyes were getting worse and worse because things always got more blurry than before (or so I thought) and for this reason, I had to wait until my eyes became stable before considering lasik surgery. So this means that the contacts that I have been prescribed before were not the right ones for me. No freakin' wonder! I now have to use special contacts for astigmatism which of course, costs more, but at least I know what the real problem is.

Well many Optometrists later, I finally found one who knew what he was doing and what he was talking about. Finally, one that actually cares and doesn't tell me things just to sucker me into buying and paying more for something that isn't what I really need. FINALLY! Again, thanks to Yelp!

We also found out that Sam has early signs of glaucoma which scares me because if we hadn't known this now, he could have lost sight wayyyyy earlier than he is supposed to. They took photographs of his eyeball and it was so interesting to see the nerves and all the junk in his eyes. At least I know that they're doing things that will actually help and prevent more problems in the future.

Our visit was pretty costly but worth every penny. It is so important to be on top of your health and figure things out before it is too late. It is better to prevent than to heal... thats for sure.

I urge every single one of you to do some research and find the right doctors who truly care and not just rush you out the door so that they can proceed to the next patient. It may cost a bit more for you, but trust that your health is priceless and anything to help it is worth every penny. You don't want to have any regrets in the future.

I'm going to go review my new favorite doctors on Yelp. Teedaloo!

OH... and I'm so looking forward to my new Gucci glasses. My friends can't make fun of my Grandma frames anymore. It was a tough choice between Prada, Versace, and Gucci... but I had to go with Gucci because I wanted something simple and it just fit the best. Maybe my backup pair will be the Prada's... it was a close call. Sooooo excited!

Hope everyone has a great weekend! :)

Slack Mode

Totally slacking on the blogging, I know. I've been pretty busy with other things.

I promise that once things start settling down, I wouldn't neglect my blog so much.

Meanwhile, please stay tuned for something new and fresh.

By the way, this might be a bit TMI but I accidentally cracked my toenail sometime last week and decided to cut it way down to where the crack stops. BAD IDEA. Now, I have an ingrown nail that might have already formed an infection and now my foot is soaking in warm water (feels good, btw)... but once I pull it out, I know that there will be some yellowy type of puss discharging from it (its been happening for the past few days). Gross and too graphic, huh? HAHAHA... but... I just had to share because my foot feels really good in this warm water.

Bottom line is... take care of your feet, people! I will definitely do so from now on.

:D

Happy Taco Tuesday!! Mmmm... that sounds good!

So Much To Do!!!

So I'm leaving for WA tomorrow at 6am for my Family Reunion. Sam is leaving after work on Friday with my nephew, my Sister, and her boyfriend. My relatives from Ohio and Boston are already there. I'm so excited to see all of the Family again and this time, I'd have time to hang out and mingle with all of them! Yayyy! I need to start packing. Don't know what to bring, but from what I've heard, its been really cold! Yikes! Will be a pretty long stay for me (5 days), but its all good... I can't wait!

Gotta go pick up some stuff for my Mom and then pick up some freakin' Thai lakorns for my sisters. They are so obsessed, its ridiculous.

Yesterday, Sam and I attempted to go to the gym. FAIL. We also told ourselves and each other that we are not going to shop for now reason. FAIL. We will not buy useless "ka'pek ka'pok" things. FAIL. We will not waste money on eating out and will just eat and try to finish everything we have at home before we both go out of town. FAIL. We will try to eat better and healthier... ultimate FAIL! I waited all week long to watch The City and The Hills... but fell asleep right when The Hills started... so FAIL!!!!! Yesterday was just a total FAIL! FML.

From what I can remember... I've been having some weird dreams! I see a lot of old friends I have lost touch with in my dreams. Strange.

This morning, I woke up feeling gross... like I'm extra ogre status or something. I've been eating so much lately that if I didn't know any better, I would think that I'm pregnant! Yikes! I'm not ready for any babies... but Sam surely wants one. Like... he REALLY wants one. Weird guy.

Okay... lots to do and I need to get off this damn thing!

OH... and I think I'm slowly moving towards twitter over facebook. I am so tired of keeping up with all my friends' statuses that there are some that I "hid". Probably because they usually post the same things promoting their events or what not and I'm just like... I don't care. I know that sounds horrible, but I'd rather keep it more personal. Tempted to delete some "friends" who are really more of "acquaintances" than anything. We'll see.

Okey dokes... bye!

Wait, wait, wait.... looking forward to Jenn's birthday this weekend. So excited that she and Joe are coming to visit us on my birthday too. My love of my life (Jenn)... yay!! Then... some of the girls and I are going to the People's Choice 2010 Awards in LA in January... so excited! AND... looks like we're going to Six Flags Magic Mountain in a couple of weeks. Damn, I love doin' things and just getting out in general!

Okay... bye for real.

The Hunchback of Long Beach!

No exaggeration... I look like Quasimodo right now!



The other night, I wore my glasses and somehow hit myself in the eye and its been hurting ever since. Yesterday, there was some discharge (whitish/yellow) from my eye (left side), but that stopped for the most part... I would just get some eye booger like discharge every so often. It feels like its bruised or cut internally. I put some eye drops in to try to help with the pain, and it just burned and stung even more! This morning, I woke up looking like Quasimodo. What am I to do now?

We put together Sam's costume for Halloween last night... I'm so excited to do his face/makeup! Its rare that I buy an actual costume because I am just too cheap to spend $50 on something that I'd wear once and don't really like to begin with... so we found the perfect costume for him just by putting different things together! Some things we already had and little odds and ends here and there. Its perfect... you'll see!

I didn't find a costume for myself. Well, I did find something very decent and was cute enough to buy, but I couldn't justify waiting in an hour and a half line just to see if its available and then having to purchase it without trying it on and not being able to return it if it doesn't fit. So I said screw it! I'm being generic and wearing what I already have and just adding some accessories to it. But right now, I want to somehow be a pirate so I can wear an eye patch. Seriously... its THAT bad!

I attempted to make some sushi yesterday and was inventive and didn't have a sushi roller mat. It was not pretty, but it was good (IMHO). I even created something that I believe will be the next best thing and wouldn't be surprised if others got smart and followed my idea and included it in their menus! HAHA! I'll post a separate blog about that later.

Anny and the gang are coming down from Modesto and I've convinced Yacky to come out to The Reef with us. Apparently, everybody and their mommas are gonna be there! I wanted to do something low key, but the promoter convinced me. Why/How I talk to promoters down here too... I do not know. I'm just a people person and will talk to everyone who knows how to give me a response. I'm tired of talking to myself.

Okay... clean up time and probably put together some dishes for the night. Some are coming over. I don't know how many, but I don't care... I'll eat everything I make if I have to.

Happy Halloweezy, everybody! OH... and I'm still upset no one responded to me and tell me what they're gonna be for Halloween. How rude! Hmph!

Truth Hurts...

Sure does!

Right now, the truth is that I need to freakin' whip myself into shape somehow, someway. I know it sounds sort of superficial since I have tons of other things to worry about, but its really not. I feel myself being LAZY or TIRED when I'm at this state and I am beyond ogre status! Seriously... I just need to do the damn thang already!

Sam and I decided to go for a run today. Actually, I decided to go because I'm committing myself to 45 minutes of cardio at least four times a week. And that, my friend... had just started today! :D Whooo... I feel great knowing that I did it and have loads of energy, but my legs feel like they are wiggling off! No joke! Tomorrow, I shall do it all over again and this time with less panting and more smiling. Speaking of panting.. I do need new work out clothes! HAHA! Workout clothes is always my motivation to work out but isn't trying it on and getting out of it a work out in itself? I always thought so. o_O

Trying to organize my life and at the looks of my calendar, I have absolutely nothing planned tomorrow. YAY! AND... Sam isn't working. Well, this could be a bad thing because I really do need to get some things done. I vow to stay off facebook as much as I can. I've been pretty good, actually. I only go on to go to my profile (duh!), respond to MY messages (because I'm responsive like that), and look at MY pictures!! HAHA... just kidding... for the most part at least. Oh... got some pictures from SoJo's birthday party!! Hold up... only saved a few that were uploaded... I like the pictures of the girls... guys just ruin everything! :D

Here we go...!!

A few from my phone:

My handsome Husband and I...


Jackie, Thyda, Aida... all here for Sovi!


Jackie, Thyda, Sovina... love these California girls!!

Now... from a different camera!

Would you trust yourself with these two faces when you're drunk? I know I wouldn't!


Lets get the party started!!!


Excuse the mess... I literally had 10 minutes to get ready after smelling like chicken all day!


MAN!! I'm still upset I didn't have time to get ready and go all out! Boo! :(


Myself with the pretty ladies!!


Hold your cup up... and shut up!!



Damn... and here I was thinking we didn't get any pictures! LOL


I see Aida and Jenny about to drink from their right hands... tsk tsk! Oh wait those are chasers... NM!


Shot, Shot, Shot, Shot, Shot, Shot!!!

While I'm posting pictures... let me just drag and paste a few that I was tagged in from FB! HAHA..!


When I first moved down to CA... I was parking lot pimpin' with these girls!



From Laughlin... haha... I thought this was a cool picture that Mikal took!


I looked like I was struggling while Sivhui was just chillin'. Sad, son!


"Help me! Help me!"


Nara and I at Elisa's wedding... awww... my camera made our faces look hella white, but we'll just claim that we're "glowing"... I guess!


Sam took this picture of me last night after I decided to play makeup out of boredom in the middle of the night! LOL... kinda scary looking, but I like the old fashioned type of look... sorta. Many lessons learned though... no shimmer on up close pictures. I look like I just came out of a frying pan!!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE PICTURES!! LOL...

Sleepless in Seattle...

I couldn't really sleep last night knowing that Sam is sick. With all the swine flu madness going on, I can't help but be worried. :(

Everyone... please take care of yourselves.

Life can be so cruel and so cold...

My Uncle's biopsy results came in. The rest of the family was to show up at the hospital at 2pm to speak to the Doctor and hear the news all together and ask questions, if any. The Doctor showed up at 12:20pm and only my Sister and I were there with my Uncle. We asked him to wait until 2pm to speak to the rest of the family since that was the time that we agreed on the day prior. He said, "I'll only be here for 15 minutes and then you won't see me again for two days. I'm a busy person, thats just the way my life is". How cold and heartless, mother fucker! His name is Dr. Senical (cynical)... his name suits him perfectly, it seems.

I was not prepared to tell my Uncle... but my Sister and I had to. Holding his hand, you can see the hurt in his face when we were telling him. I was heartbroken and torn and hated myself for being the one who had to tell my Uncle that he was dying. I tried to tell him to be strong and keep fighting because we are all going to fight WITH him. He asked me if there's a cure. I told him no. He asked if surgery was an option. Again, I had to tell him no. From that point on (yesterday), he had been so miserable.

My poor Uncle... hurting in many more ways than one and I am watching him and there's not a DAMN thing that I can do about it. I hate myself for this. I'd rather be the one laying there in that bed than him. He does not deserve this and it hurts to see him suffer like that.

Since we gave him the news, his spirits crushed. He has not stayed awake for more than five minutes at a time. When he's asleep, we can see the pain in his face and again, not a damn thing we can do. He hasn't been able to get up or eat... he does not even have the energy to sip water with his straw.

This is byfar the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life. Its really a wake up call and I'm still learning so much from this. :( I feel this pain in my chest and my heart... and its killing me inside.

I know that at this point, its hard to stay in denial. I'm slowly starting to accept this fact of life and though its so hard and painful to accept, its inevitable. I just really hope that when the time comes, my Uncle will not be suffering or hurt. He's a great Man and deserves so much more than this. Life isn't fair... its rather cruel and cold and at the moment, I am angry with it.

Although I am preparing myself for the worst, I am still expecting the best. I have not given up hope and am still continuing to pray.

(this is hard for me to talk about in full details.... I still feel so numb inside with a stab through my chest and my heart)

Torn

The biopsy test results didn't come in today as expected. My Sister and I got to the hospital around 8am... couldn't get much sleep last night either. HOW do you go to bed peacefully knowing that someone you love so much is suffering and in so much pain? We tried not to leave his side at any time because we knew that he was scared and didn't want to be alone. Everytime that we had to step out of his room, we'd let him know. He hated being alone, we can tell.

My two sisters, my cousin, and I were asked to speak to the doctor to figure out where we are at at this point. It was an emotional and difficult one... probably the hardest hour I've had to sit through. My oldest sister is unofficially our family's spokesperson, and I really don't know how she does it. I am very thankful for her... especially during times like these.

My Uncle was doing so well yesterday. He wanted to get better and tried his very best to do what he can that we told him might make him feel better and stronger. Today, I told him that stretching will help his muscles and five minutes later, he asked me to help him stretch.

It took a turn today. He was not feeling well and started throwing up blood. It started once every few hours. Before I left, it was every twenty minutes. I asked the nurse how long this vomiting would last... and she told me that it will last "until its over"... you know what that means. I was not prepared for this... especially after seeing what I thought was progress yesterday.

Its 12:30am... told my cousin that I'll be at the hospital by 5:30am so that he can go to work. Tempted to just go back now. I can't rest nor sleep like this.

He HAS to get better... at least for a little bit so that he can finally enjoy life. He'd worked too hard all his life. This just isn't fair.

I love you, Uncle! You will get better... you have to. I have faith in you... I really, really, do.

(I can't express how I truly feel at the moment... no words can really explain this hurt and pain I feel right now.)

Contnuing to PRAY...

My Uncle needs to get better. He is really trying so hard to fight this.

NEVER in my life have I ever felt so proud and seen such a strong fighter.

Its been another long, bittersweet, and scary day. Even so, we made it through.

He's AMAZING.

More results from the biopsy coming tomorrow. Please, please, please pray for the best.

Just got home from the hospital... don't know if I can sleep tonight. I wish I can write down every little emotion and every conversation I've had these past few days. * sigh *

I've come to realize who and what is important to me. If I could turn back time, I would do so many things differently. I can't, so now I will do the best with my time from now on.

Exhausted...

Just got back from the hospital. Its 1:08am... but with the "Spring Forward", that makes it 2:08am. I told them that I"ll be back by 8am tomorrow. Lets hope I get SOME sleep tonight since I haven't gotten any for the past three. Most importantly, my Uncle is getting his rest.

I would talk about this more, but I really do need to get to bed. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll have better news.

Again, please keep him in your thoughts. Miracles can happen... I KNOW it.

Bittersweet

Its been a really long day... definitely a hard one. I couldn't sleep last night. The image of his 100 pound body lying on his bed kept flashing through my mind.

My Dad and I went to go pick up my Aunt this morning... around 8am. Her conditions have worsen since she knew that her husband (my Uncle) is sick. She's unable to walk, but she speaks clearly. She didn't even have the energy to hold on to the tissue paper in her hand. We carried her into the car, and she kept saying that she's not sure if she will make it over to the hospital. It was hard to see her like that... and we didn't know the right words to say. We arrived at the hospital and got a wheelchair for her. My heart just broke when I pushed her over by his side. He asked to hold her hand though it was shaky. Tears streamed down her face... no matter how hard she tried to control it. She told him to get better soon so that he can go home. She then went on and said that since the day that they met 49 years ago, they have never been apart for a day. Even when she was sick, he was still able to take care of her as she was bedridden, not knowing that he was sick himself. She later told the rest of the family that my Uncle had been visiting his family doctor, but they were so negligent of him being there. She said that whenever he went, he would tell them that he was in pain, but they sent him home on antibiotics. He continued to go see the doctor telling them that he was in pain, and they said to him that he's always back and always saying the same thing... advising him to just take his medication. WHY did they not look into his well being any more than they did? Again... I need to be reminded... WHAT the FUCK are they there for again?

Cancer doesn't happen overnight. If only they listened to his complaints and took more care of him, this might not even be as big of a problem as it is right now. A year he's been trying to tell his family doctor that he's sick, and did they take his words seriously? We can only wish they did. He's in his fourth and last stage and the cancer has already spread everywhere... even down to his bones. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that my poor Uncle is in right now.

My cousin walked through the door and I couldn't stop from crying because we both had so many memories with my Uncle. The nurse saw us together and came to give us a hug... which was very kind of her. Though my Uncle does not have any kids of his own, he is a Man with a HUGE heart and a HUGE family that loves him. Today, I saw at least 60 different faces of our HUGE family. I have relatives who are flying in to see him this weekend... some, all the way from Boston. I told you he is loved! :) Sopheap AKA "Moum" AKA Bumble Bee (my cousin that I mentioned before) and I sat in the car and reminisced about our childhood. Happy memories from when Oum Loun (my Uncle) would chase us and yell at us for being lazy. Our families used to pick beans (hehe.... no shame) during the summer and he would always be the first one there at the fields with his wife. They are such hard workers who were always hard on themselves. They worked so hard their whole lives and everyone who knew them knew that of them. There were times when my Uncle wouldn't let my Aunt in the car because she didn't wipe her feet ... LOL... he loved his car! The last time I saw him, he teased me about trading cars with me because I was driving a brand new car... and I told him that it was my Dad's car. Then he's like, "Wow.. your Dad has a new car? Can I borrow it for a day?" LOL... he's so cute! My handsome Uncle... he is VERY handsome... you would have thought so too if you saw him a couple months ago! ;)

He had a biopsy done today... a CT scan. I grew really frustrated because we have been waiting for this since yesterday. I know that the biopsy wouldn't have done anything to make it better... it was only to see where the cancer started. Of course, he couldn't eat or drink anything before the procedure. So, they literally starved him of food AND water since yesterday! If he was thirsty, we had to use a sponge to wet the insides of his mouth. He told us that he was thirsty and hungry since yesterday... and this morning when we got there, still... NOTHING. WTF? I didn't mean to go off on the Doctor... I knew that its not their fault, but they kept stalling for over a day. They told us it was going to be done in 30 minutes. It did not get done until 5:30pm today. 33 hours... 66 different "30 more minutes" sessions. Even after the hour long procedure, they did not let him eat until an hour later. He didn't get to eat anything until around 8pm. Even so, he was limited to clear broths... so all the food that we brought was thrown out. None of us had much of an appetite left. He drank about two glasses of water in one sitting. It broke my heart to see him like that. His arms are the skinniest I've ever seen on ANYONE... and you can see his ribs and the bones in his chest are visible. Never did I imagine him ever being like that. Our family lived a good life... and my cousin and I were convinced that our family was invincible. This is a shock to us.

After he got some energy back from his broth, I tried to lift his spirits and make everyone laugh in the room. I asked him if he wanted to trade cars for a day... and he said that he's only going to ride the most expensive car! LOL... I told him that he's going to have to ask my cousin (Bong Voeun)... HE drives the nicest car in the family. Then I told him to get better so we can go back and pick some beans and he can use his really tall buckets! He laughed! :) We tried to feed him some more, but as I mentioned before, he's strong... so he insisted on eating himself. I told him he'd better hurry before I eat all his food. He laughed and said that he believed me... I would eat all his food! LOL! I eat anything! His lips were so chapped, and I managed to dig some carmex and applied it for him. I told him he looked pretty and was worried that I put LIPSTICK on for him! :D I wish I could have, but he'd probably get up and kick my ass like he used to (jokingly). My Sister came... and I was like, "Oum, look! There's that MOUNTAIN!" (He used to tease her about her size) Then, I said, "here's my palm tree!" (we used to call him that because he's so tall!) He laughed and patted my head! It was a nice feeling. The nurse later came in and said something about going to the casino and he's like, "casino?" and the nurse joked with him a bit... asking him for $5 for every extra visitor he had because he had so many! :P She held out her hand and goes, "Can I have some money?" He asked her how much she wanted... and she said "a million!" and he goes, "TWO million!" and gave her his hand. It was so cute... and he was smiling. Later, we're like, "Uncle, we didn't know you wanna go to the casino!" He's like, "I've never been to one... and I want to go!" We told him to get better and we promise to all bring him! We said that we'd bring him to Vegas! AND... we'll buy him a really expensive car! He laughed. He said that he wanted to eat RICE and some Khmer "somlaw" (stew). Tomorrow, we're going to bring him lots of that! :D

My Uncle had always been a happy Man and always had a smile on his face. He has a great sense of humor and again, VERY strong. Anyone who knows him is LUCKY. There is a HUGE waiting room on the floor, and our entire family took over. Its so bittersweet to see everyone come together and really really pray for him. We hate the fact that we have to discuss our plans if and when the worst comes, but it had to be done. Definitely an emotional discussion that I would not ever want to have to go through again.

I've heard some great stories when doctors are wrong. I am also a true believer in miracles. If anyone deserves a miracle, it would have to be him. Please, please... keep my Uncle in your thoughts and prayers.

Please Pray

Last night, after being at the hospital, I had a chance to talk to the doctors and my oldest Brother who was there almost throughout the whole day. They have yet to place him in an actual room... he is in the Express Care Unit, which is pretty much a hallway with beds.

I finally heard the whole story, and I'm not impressed. When he was admitted into the hospital three weeks ago, they did find a lump, but St. Clare's hospital said that it was minute and he can wait to see a cancer specialist on March 15th. Three weeks later (yesterday), he was admitted to a different hospital (St. Joseph's) and we were told that if we waited any longer, we could have lost him. As you can see, March 15th would have been WAY too late.

Now, we were told that there is nothing else that they can do. The cancer has spread all throughout his body, even his spine. He's in his last stages and we were told that he has about three days to live, give or take. Again, March 15th would have been way too late. The doctors at St. Joseph's told us that he has had this for over a year now. How could St. Clare's not have seen anything wrong? I should have known. St. Clare's is known for being negligent with their patients. I really don't even know why they're still standing.

My Uncle is a strong man... he doesn't show his pain and you would never hear him complan no matter how much anything hurts. Yesterday, when he saw me come in the room, he STILL tried to push himself up to see me. My Uncle, a Man who once stood 5'11 at 160 pounds has now shrunk to a mere 5'6 at 105 pounds... and this happened over a three month period. I tried to be strong and not let him see me cry, but he saw. I gave him a hug, and he was a bit shaken by it. I kissed him on the cheek many times and I'm not sure if he was annoyed, but I don't care. I have to let him know that I love him and even in this condition, I'm not afraid of being close to him.

What hurts even more is that when he heard about my engagement the last time he saw me, he teased and said that he never goes to anyone's wedding... he usually sends money with others as gifts, but he's definitely coming to his niece's (mine). :( Now, I really hope the doctors are wrong. I really really hope so.

His Wife is also sick, and she has not yet been to the hospital to see him. This morning, he requested for her. I'm on my way to go pick her up to see him. My heart's going to break.

Please, if you're reading this... please please pray for my Uncle. Thank You.

Uncle

I love you. Please stay strong. You still tried to get up today when I came to see you. That was my first time really kissing you on the cheek. Please don't let it be the last time.

Numb

I feel so numb right now. I just found out that my uncle is diagnosed with cancer.

I am really mad at myself for not visiting him some time last month with my parents. I figured I'd just see him at our next family gathering... which is right around the corner.

A couple of weeks ago, he was admitted into the E.R. and supposedly, they did not know what was wrong with him and omitted him that evening and set an appointment for him for March 15th. Appointment for what? I'm not sure... but thats what we were told.

This morning, he was admitted into the E.R. again and we were told that if we waited any longer, we could have lost him. What do they expect when they told us that he'd have to wait until March 15th? Now, they say that he is in his last stages.

He is a strong Man. He's my Dad's older Brother... but has the energy of any man in their twenties! I love him... and am praying for him. He's a strong Man and I love him so much for that.

Right now, I am just very upset at the doctors who did not look into this during his first visit weeks ago. A couple weeks can make a difference... I believe that. It would be nice to have known this during these last few weeks, you know? *sigh* I know that doctors aren't miracle workers, but I would think that they'd make more effort into trying to figure out what was wrong rather than sending a patient home with an appointment to see them again a month later. Ugh!