August 14, 2009

Here I Go...

Its been awhile since I really posted an actual post, huh? Well, my life had been crazy for the past... almost a whole month. I failed to blog because there is just so much that I want to say, but I know that I wouldn't have enough time or enough words to describe my life in full. Usually, I like writing but at the moment, I'd much rather sit down and have a heart to heart with the people who are closest to me. With that said, I'll try my best to summarize and though it is a challenge for me to do so, I will try to keep it short.

Now... where shall I start?

I got married! Yes, I definitely panicked and stressed before the actual day... I even cried a few times! BUT... when it came to the day(s), it was such a smooth ride. I honestly thought that I'd be Bridezilla, but one of my bridesmaids pointed out, "Wow, Thyda... you're really chill and you are nowhere close to being Bridezilla". Thank goodness! I really owe everything to my Family and my close friends. My FAMILY... oh my gosh... words can not describe how grateful I am for them. They did not let me worry about a single thing and on top of taking care of everything that needed to be, they made sure that I was relaxed and enjoying myself. If I needed something, they were there for me without even making me ask them twice. My siblings and I have a lot of unspoken love for each other... they are absolutely amazing! My friends... wow... they were by my side through it all. I honestly let a lot of things slip through my fingers because honestly, I am not a planner and am the least organized person I know. OH... and I'm a HUGE procrastinator... so you can just imagine. My friends were there to pick up everything I let slip and again, not let me worry about anything. The day of my wedding was the day that I realized how blessed I am with the greatest people in my life... my Family, friends, and my new Husband. :)

The day(s) were filled with so many tears. Everyone who knows me know that I'm a Baby... a cry baby that is! Being the youngest in the family, my siblings always felt that they needed to take care of me... which they did. Throughout the wedding, we were blessed over and over and I can't help but feel that each one of their blessings also felt like a Goodbye. We all know that I'll be moving after the wedding and though I am glad to be starting my life with my Husband, I can't help but feel the sadness I do when I think about being so far away from my Family. My Family loves me... so much. Everyone who was at the wedding ceremony can see that. They cried... I cried... both tears of joy and tears of sadness to know that we will be further apart. :( I am choking up thinking about it all again. Maybe I'll get into more details about that later. Oh... and the only thing that really upset me was the fact that I didn't try on my dress before the wedding so when I put it on and ready to go, the top was falling off and someone had to sew it in for me right away... within ten minutes! So... my dress ended up not looking the way I had wanted it to, but thats okay... I'll live.

To me, my wedding was PERFECT. It was more than I expected it to be and its unfortunate that it all felt like a blur to me... more like a dream!

Many of you may already know... but the day that everyone left to go back home, my Mom grew sick that night. To the point where my Sister and I had to rush her to the emergency room at 4am. It was a painful process and I have never felt so numb in my life. By the time we got to the hospital, my Mom stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. Right when they said, "we don't have a pulse", I nearly collapsed. It was a moment that I don't like to think about... but it still haunts me every single day. We were told that they weren't sure she was going to make it... and my heart dropped. That was the moment that I felt like I couldn't go on with my own life... it was hard for me to breathe myself. The rest of my family got there... and we were in each others' arms... and making sure that my Dad was okay. Finally, they came and let us know that they performed CPR and got her heart beating again, but she wasn't breathing and was on life support. She was at risk of brain damages if she was going to make it, so they had to wrap her in sheets of ice to keep her core temperature cool. My Mother was in a coma... at that point we didn't know if she was going to make it, but we were hopeful. The sight of my Mom basically freezing with a huge tube down her throat and unconscious broke my heart. I knew that she was sick because of the stress she had been under and because of all the work that she had done for me for MY wedding. My Mom doesn't complain when she's sick and she especially didn't even make a moan this time because she constantly said that there is no way she is going to be sick on her baby's wedding day... no way. Many things happened during those days that she was in the intensive care unit, but as I said, I'd rather sit down and have a heart to heart with those closest to me. Finally after about 3 days, my Mom attempted to open her eyes while holding mine and my Sister's hands. It was a miracle... the feeling is indescribable. She continued to stay in the intensive care unit for another 3 or 4 days until they were able to take off the ventilator. She still had difficulty breathing, but my Mom was a fighter and she told me that she was going to be strong for me. She wasn't able to speak yet... not even cough because of all the blisters caused by the ventilator. My poor Mom... I can only imagine all the pain she felt. I'd have to excuse myself and hide and cry outside her room many times because again, it was hard to see my Mother in that state. She experienced some memory loss, but one of the first things she asked was, "Did I make it to my daughter's wedding?". She didn't remember the wedding, but it slowly came back to her later. The doctors predicted that she would have to stay at the hospital for at least another two weeks. Thankfully, my Mom recovered sooner than anyone had ever expected. How? Because she is a strong woman and a fighter... there's nothing she can't overcome. She's amazing!

It took her a few more days to be able to walk slowly by herself. After being hospitalized for nearly two weeks altogether, she was discharged. Though she came back home, it took her awhile to do things by herself again. I felt blessed to be able to bathe for my Mom and hold her hand through tough times... letting her know that I will always be there for her. My Sisters flew back from CA right away and so did my nieces and nephews... and so did Sam. The nurses and doctors said that they felt the warmth and love of our family and told us that we were lucky. Yes... we are lucky.

On top of everything, I still had another wedding reception to worry about. To be honest, I was on the verge of cancelling it. BUT... there was no way that my Mom would let me. Sam took care of everything... he's the best.

You can imagine how torn I felt at the time. I know that I agreed to move down to CA after I get married, but with my Mom being this sick, I had to rethink my decision. Even so, my Mom told me that she would not be able to live with herself if I was to stay back in WA with her because she does not want to hold me back from my life and my future. I tried to tell her not to look at it that way, but she got emotional and told me that I have to move on and live my life and she promised that she would be fine. Of all my siblings, my oldest Sister and I are the only two who have never really lived far from my Parents. For me, its because as I said, I'm a Baby and I need to be with my Parents most of the time. I feel so guilty for leaving them now, but they wouldn't allow me to stay back. I'm torn. Now, my plan is to move my Parents with me to CA within the next year or two. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow... or shall I say, today... I will be making the big move. I can't sleep. There is so much on my mind and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Also, its my nephew Justin's birthday. I feel so guilty for leaving him on this day... he's like my son to me. He told me today that he was going to miss me... and my tears just started to roll and I couldn't stop it. It came even more when my precious nephew tried to wipe away my tears. He then told me not to cry because he's visiting soon. Which is true! My family is going only a few days after me, but even so, its hard.

There are still so many things that I need to get done... even when I leave in the morning. I asked my Parents to still keep my room for me because I'll be back (duh!)... and they said of course! I had a going away dinner with the ladies on Monday and happy hour with the girls last night. Gosh... I love all of them. Thank goodness for great girlfriends who are more than willing to sit there to listen to me b*tch for hours and also give me a hug when I need it most. As I said, I've been blessed.

I haven't seen the new place yet, but apparently, its only a couple blocks away from the beach... so I'm excited. Sam hasn't given me too many details because he said that its a surprise... LOL! He's been so patient with me through everything... definitely the best Husband I could ever ask for. :)

Okay... time to go to bed. Its 5:30am... I might as well not sleep, huh? Oh well... maybe I can get a few minutes in. Goodnight... Good Morning.


  1. ah paoun...i wish i could be there to share the tears of joy and the tears of sorrow with you. I'm sitting here at work, crying after i read your blog. Seeing our parents sick is an undescribable feeling. my dad was in the hospital about the same time your mom was. and my mom's not well either. It's been rough.

    I'm truly grateful that your mom is back home.

    On another note, congrats to you and ah paoun tlai. My heart longs to be there with you on your wedding day, however the distance (and finances) makes it impossible. Trust that I will be visiting soon. Love you both, wish ya'll the best. hugs and kisses

  2. Glad to materialize here. Good day or night everybody!

    For sure you didn’t here about me yet,
    my name is Peter.
    Generally I’m a social gmabler. for a long time I’m keen on online-casino and poker.
    Not long time ago I started my own blog, where I describe my virtual adventures.
    Probably, it will be interesting for you to utilize special software facilitating winnings .
    Please visit my blog. I’ll be glad would you find time to leave your comments.