When my horoscope is RIGHT on the DOT!

“You are doing a lot of deep thinking now, but you might decide not to go public with your thoughts. Nevertheless, you may come across as if your emotions aren't very important when you talk about them in a detached manner. Ironically, you may believe that changes are occurring, even if nothing happens. Be courageous and find your voice. Take a risk and express what's really in your heart.”

HOW FITTING AND RIGHT ON THE DOT!?!


The other day, I was talking to Sandy and she suggested that I continue to blog some more… like I used to before. My answer? Well, just read my horoscope above! That is exactly what is going on with me and in my mind.
 Its true… I AM a Sagittarius!

Miners (not Minors) RESCUED.

I've been watching the Chilean Miners get rescued one by one all morning, and I can't stop watching.  This is just amazing and truly a miracle.  I can't help but be a baby and get teary eyed every time I witness (via television, of course) each man reunite with his family.

I must confess that when I first heard about the miners, I thought, "what are those kids doing being trapped underground like that and where are their parents?".  Yeah, Thyda... there is a huge difference between miner and minor.  You can't blame me though... I didn't read it, I heard it first!

Right now the 23rd Miner just got pulled out of the capsule named the 'Phoenix'.  Only 10 more to go... yes!

I am amazed that they are rescuing these miners so much earlier than expected.  It was estimated that they would be rescued by the end of December.  Holy cow... I don't know how I would ever survive that long.  Heck, I probably wouldn't make it past dinnertime on the first day.  Seriously.

Keep hope and faith... and remember, cherish the moments.  Bless all of these miners and their loved ones.  *hugs*

www.nation.co.ke

www.nypost.com

www.tntmagazine.com

Cambodian Festival - 'Pchum Ben'

"Hope you are enjoying Pchum Ben this weekend!" was what a fellow Khmer tweeter tweeted to me this morning.  You would think that a nice message like this would better my day and bring a smile to my face, but it only made me sad.  This is not her fault in any way and I really do appreciate the message (THANK YOU), but it just brought this sense of sadness to me.

WHY?

'Pchum Ben' is a Cambodian festival better known as 'Ancestors Day' or 'Festival of the Dead'.  It is believed that during this time, the spirits of our ancestors walk the Earth looking to be fed by their family members and relatives who are still living.  Since I was young, I would refer to this festival as the Cambodian Halloween.  You can see how trick or treaters walking around asking for candy can correlate to dead ancestors waiting and wanting to be fed by their families.  The festival would last about fifteen days in Cambodia and many traditions and rituals are practiced during this time.  Though I cannot remember them all, I do recall getting up early to go to the temple with my Family to feed the Monks and to pray, just like how it is done during most Cambodian festivals.  On this holiday in particular, we would also make offerings to our ancestors and remember them as we pray for them to continue their journey into reincarnation to better lives in the future.  My Family would also take part in hosting the ceremonies (providing food to the Monks and guests who visit the temple on those days).  My Mom never wanted any of our relatives to be considered "abandoned souls", which are the souls that do not have family members to remember them and make offerings to them.  She always tells us that this is the most important holiday (festival) in the Cambodian traditions... and it is the one holiday that you must not forget or "skip".

Thinking about this festival makes me miss my Family back in Washington so much.  Though my in laws here in California hold some traditions and believe in the same religion, I admit that it is not practiced within the household as it was back at home.  Part of the reason is probably because my Parents are older and are closer to the Cambodian community... especially with the elders and the monks at our beloved temple in Tacoma.  My Grandmother (who passed away in 2003 and is still to this day loved and missed) was a big part of the temple.  So were my two wonderful Uncles who are no longer with us since last year (2009).  One was actually the Vice President of the temple and the other was a well known Cambodian spokesperson in the Washington area (a lady from Georgia whom I met last week even knew and remembered him).  My point is that my Family is very involved in the temple and these festivals, and its times like these when I miss my Family so much.

Knowing that the festival was around the corner, I cried to myself last week... thinking and praying to my loved ones who are no longer living.  I wished that I was back at home with the rest of the Family praying and making offerings to them like I should be.  Its hard to do it here in California when I don't know anyone who still practices these traditions and take part in the festivals.  I did go to the temple with my Mother in Law, however,  to pray and make offerings to my ancestors.  But I still felt like something was missing.  I missed seeing my Parents up early in the morning running around trying to prepare everything that they needed to for the temple.  I miss seeing all of my many relatives in the temple with their palms together praying to all of our late relatives... together.  I miss being in the temple that I have known all my life and grown so used to.  I also miss seeing the smiling pictures of my relatives along the walls of the temple.  Everything about being with my Family during these times, I miss so much.

I confess, I have never appreciated these festivals and traditions before as much as I do now.  Those times that you spend with your family members are so precious.  We never know what tomorrow holds, so we have to cherish all the moments that we have with our loved ones because there is going to be a time when all we have left is the memories of the past. 

I want my ancestors to know that I always miss and think of them and that they are always remembered.

With that said, like my fellow tweeter, I hope you are enjoying your Pchum Ben this weekend.

NOTE:  Though I am ashamed, I must admit that I do not know all of the traditions, rituals, and history of this festival.  I speak only of what I know and remember, and of course, my feelings.


Photos Courtesy of ki-media.blogspot.com

Catching my breath...

I'm home. Actually, I've been home. I have two homes... one in Washington and one in California. Home is where the heart is and right now, my heart is split and remain in both places. Its tough having parts of your heart over a thousand miles apart.

I have so much that I want to say and share about my visit to my Washington home. I just don't know where to start and sometimes, I am filled with more emotions than I can find words to describe. However, I promise myself to try my best to jot it all down... even if some entries have to be private, I WILL jot it ALL down.

Since I've been back here in California, I'm just DRAINED. I don't know if its because I am missing my Family back at Washington home or if I am just worn out from running around trying to do too much during my much needed and too short of a stay.

Today was spent trying to catch my breath and unpacking and organizing. Right now, I am heading to the gym to sweat out some stress and anger (some of it built up from tonight's basketball games) with my Husband. Hopefully tomorrow will be a much more productive and expressive day.

Until then,

Up in the air...

(via phone during my flight back to California yesterday)

A plastic cup of chardonnay... compliments of Horizon Air. I hate Horizon Air for the cramped airplanes but the complimentary select alcoholic beverages certainly makes up for it and makes the ride a little smoother. And if I happen to fall asleep from it, then it would make the ride shorter.

I am sitting here on the plane next to an older lady who is quietly enjoying her book. I want to give her a hug, but that would be too weird to hug a stranger on a plane. Why? Because the assholes sitting across the aisle from us deserve a smack upside their heads for believing that their days would be better and lives are more grand if they were to give others a miserable time... and actually acting on it. As I was boarding my plane, I saw the sadness in her eyes as the jerks laughed and made rude indirect comments about her weight. I saw that she was in my seat and I looked around to see if there was another seat available. There wasn't. I let her know quietly that she was in my seat and as she struggled to get up to let me through, the dimwits laughed and made absurd sounds... again, in mockery of her weight. I snapped a quick turn and gave them this look... a stare that without words, told them to shut the f*ck up. They turned it down a little and tried to contain their immature laugh. Even so, I know that my b*tch stare worked. Little did they know that if I could have, I would have taken off my belt and choked them with it. We are halfway through our ride now and they are drinking the complimentary beer. How I wish I can just pour it all over their heads.

Now, you might think what I just said was mean and harsh, but you'd have to admit... its well deserved. Who are you to judge and mock someone the way that they did? People are fighting battles every day. What it is, only they know... the story behind it all, that is. Why add fuel to a fire that is already burning someone's emotions? What are you benefiting from it?

The battle that the "jerks" are fighting, I don't know what it is... but I can tell you that making others feel bad about themselves is not going to help them win.

If I am sitting here typing a blog with my phone (too lazy to try to get my laptop from the overhead compartment), then it shows how upset I am.

Hypocritical of me to give them labels like "assholes", "jerks", and "dimwits", huh? Heck... what do I know? I am fighting my own personal battles and just trying to help one with hers... silently.

I... Can't... Do... It!!

Today, I thought long and hard about this blog. This blog is the reason for my guilt so early in the morning. This blog is the reason why I cannot get certain things done. On the flip side, this blog is my friend. This blog is the ear that will always be open and listen to all of my gibberish without once asking me to shut up (despite the occasional errors I get after trying to post something, but that's a different story). No matter how ridiculous my thoughts or how useless my words are, my blog had been here for me.

I've cheated on this beloved friend of mine a few times and tested the waters of livejournal. After a year or two, this blog was willing to take me back... no questions asked.

CONFESSION: I've been doing some lurking around and my eyes were wandering elsewhere... to places like Wordpress and Tumblr. It interested me in ways that made me feel like it was something new and fresh... like a fresh piece of meat waiting for me to devour it. I didn't devour it though... I only licked it a few times. They weren't the taste that I was looking for... but I kept licking just in case it was and I was missing it all. After all that, I knew that I couldn't resist coming back to what I've had and loved for years. I am ashamed for thinking that the grass was greener on the other side. Even if it is greener on the other side, I am content being on the dry and brittle side where memories and the kind of love shared is irreplaceable.

This morning, I almost ended this blog... but I just couldn't. I can't. I wouldn't.

So here's a toast to more gibberish blogging... and an extra kiss to the ex girlfriends who claim to not care but always come back to visit and wonder what I'm up to. If you were near, I'd give you a hug and tell you that its okay to find me interesting because honey... I find myself interesting too! :)

Inspired

I've neglected my blog for some time. Its obvious, I know... please don't make me feel worse about it than I already do. I just got bored with it and ... okay fine... I have a confession.

I've found a new love. Her name is Twitter. I know a lot of people think that its silly and whatnot, but I am in love with it and I don't care what you say. Facebook was so 18 months ago and Twitter is getting old too, but the love I have for it is fresh and new... and addicting. I've not only neglected my blog, but I've neglected Facebook. I am a horrible friend who no longer knows what is going on with my friends. I used to be entertained by pictures and posts that my friends would make, but that doesn't spark my interest as much anymore. Wait... thats not what I mean. My friends still interest me and all, but I'm tired of seeing the same ol' pictures on everybody and their momma's pages. Maybe a part of me is jealous that I am a thousand miles away and not a part of it? *shrugs*

Why I love Twitter? I can follow anyone who makes my heart jump a little and it will be OKAY. I can tweet the most random things and lose a few followers because it rubs them the wrong way, but that is fine with me... make more room for other followers who probably follow me just in hopes that I'd follow back. Sometimes, I'd check out their profiles and if they seem interesting enough, a click of the FOLLOW button is all it takes for them to let me in on their world as I have with mine.

I get everything I need there! Some of my friends are on there (thank goodness so I wouldn't be COMPLETELY out of the loop). I get my news updates, my job postings, my OMGfacts (so random, I love)... and even some ridiculous tweets that I can't help but LOL to. I've also followed some great writers and their style intrigues me. I can spend my whole day on Twitter and not get bored. Seriously... give it a shot. Oh wait... don't give it a shot because if you do, you might be as addicted as I am.

Anyway... I'm inspired to spend more time on my blog and really express my true feelings. Its therapeutic. I also intend to show my own style and more of my personality. Many don't really care for it, but thats okay... just baffles me why they still check back up on me (but I appreciate it)!

As for my project, still under works and in need of research. I promise to share soon. As I told a few friends, I hate to count my chicks before they hatch.

Until next time, stay warm and dry... and tell the loved ones I say 'hi'. (OMG... did I just rhyme?)

Back!

Okay... I guess I couldn't stay away for as long as I thought I could. Oops!

The rain here is making me depressed. I know that being born and raised in the beautiful state of Washington, I'd be used to it by now, right? Wrong. I'm used to it when I am in Washington, but not when I am in California. This is unexpected and totally not what I had in mind. So much for my jogging at the beach streak that had to end short because of this stupid rain. Get this... a car flipped over from the storm and we were on a tornado watch. Can you believe that? A tornado for crying out loud! I've never experienced a tornado in my life (thank goodness) and I am not Dorothy and I do not plan on chasing one nor would I even like to be in one. Life is too precious and there are still many more things that I would like to do with mine before its over. I know that this is a little dramatic but after all the torture Mother Earth is putting people through (don't punish me, Mother Earth, I'm just sayin'...), its okay to be dramatic because these events are definitely events to cry over.

I know that I shouldn't sit here and cry about a little rain, but I am not just crying over the rain. I am crying over the other things that are going on that have caused millions to suffer. What happened to peace on earth? Did the pageant queens give up on that idea and is it really not going to happen? *sigh*

I should be doing some walking than just talking, but have you looked outside lately? It is too damn scary to do any walking. Therefore, I shall sit here and talk... talk about the things that I love and cherish and vow to myself to never take any of it for granted anymore.

The End. NO wait... lets not it be the end! Ahhh... you know what I mean!

Away from Home on the Holidays

This past Christmas (yesterday) was incredibly hard for me. I am so used to being home with all of my family and the little ones, but this year was different. As much as I wanted to be home, I knew that it was too much to ask and want considering the time and finances. My family understands and they would hate for me to spend five times as much as I would if I was to fly out there any other day or week. Nevertheless, it was still very hard. I would cry after getting off the phone with any one of my family members because I'd miss them like crazy and it was just too much to bare. My emotions couldn't handle the feeling and still keep strong enough to fight the tears.

Next year though, it will be different and I am going to be home for Christmas no matter what. I will make it up to everyone then.

For everyone else, I really hope that you enjoyed your time with your loved ones and cherished every moment and every individual. Don't take them for granted and especially don't take the precious quality time for granted. Trust me.

On a lighter note, my Christmas this year was mellow and something that I am not used to... but it was still nice. Its always nice to see people smiling, laughing, and most importantly, happy.

My 17 year old niece came by for her presents later. Its amazing how much she had grown and matured over the years. Its hard to accept the fact that in only a few months, she will become a legal adult... scary thought. I may not express my love for my older nieces and nephews as much, but I still care for them and love them deeply. I just can't "mother" them like how I do with the younger ones because I never did to begin with when they were younger so its hard to just "mother" them at such an older age. I wouldn't want to anyway... teenagers are a lot different to deal with than kids. They know too much for their own good.

Family, I miss and love you... so so so much.

Wake up and smell the flowers... even if its rotten.

I think I came to the acceptance that the world is a scary and dangerous place. I wrote how I felt about the tragedy that took place just last month where four innocent Lakewood police officers were shot to death at a coffee shop before they were even on shift. The other day, two other Tacoma police officers responded to a domestic violence call where they were shot by a man who was shot dead at the scene. The officers are both in critical condition, but thankfully, they are still alive and breathing at the moment. I understand that the field is a dangerous one and they all know what kind of danger they are putting themselves in by choosing those particular fields, but the loss and pain is still very heartbreaking. It annoys me when I see that people disrespect and mock those who are actually protecting us and are genuinely concerned about our well being. Why else would anyone put themselves in that kind of danger? It is because they are selfless and willing to put others before themselves. The world really needs more people with these hearts.

The first thing I usually do is check for updates and news hoping to see good news, but I am often left disappointed. I don't know why I do this knowing that I am a scared chicken, but I can't help myself. I like to know whats going on... especially real things that are happening or have happened because you never know what is waiting for you around the corner (literally and figuratively). My heart is still in Washington and maybe that is why I am more cautious and aware of things going on over there than over here in California. Most of my Family is back in Washington, of course I am concerned! These recent crimes resulting in death are just too close to home that I feel this ache in my heart as I learn about each one of them. I don't try to be a pessimist with these situations. In fact, I was usually known as the optimistic one in any situation, but I guess real life is just hitting me... hitting me hard.

I watched the 15 Most Unthinkable Crimes and am now watching the 20 Shocking Unsolved Crimes. Some of these crimes are just unbelievable and heartbreaking. What scares me most is knowing that some of these crimes are not yet solved so those sickening murderers are still on the loose and walking the streets. Not to overanalyze, but its only natural for me to do so... but can you imagine how many other people are out there with these sickening thoughts and the possibilities that crimes such as these can and will happen again?

The world is a scary place and I understand that we should not stop our lives because these things are happening, but we should also be very cautious and aware of our surroundings. It is important to learn what is going on with our communities and keep everyone (not just those that we care about) informed on what is going on. You never know who/what will strike next and who the next victim will be. Therefore, lets try our best to keep our communities safe and aware. This is the least that anyone can do. You can't point at a person and deem them the next murderer, but you sure can remind people to be more observant and aware of what is going on so that they can avoid dangerous situations that are life threatening.

Its great to be optimistic and see the goods and positives of life, but we also have to be realistic and accept that we live in a twisted society. Are these type of behaviors and cases welcome? Of course not, but it seems to find its way in regardless. I'm not saying that we should put our lives on pause and dwell over it, but just keep it in mind and don't forget. Sadness, sorrow, and death are also parts of each life. Don't ever take a moment or person for granted... its hard (if even possible) to take back.

Clear Space, Clear Mind

I never knew that it would make such a big difference in my life since I was always a messy and disorganized person. I refused to have a place for everything because that just made everything so bland and boring and there wasn't such a thrill in finding things when I needed them. I secretly get a rush whenever I am in a hurry and am on a mission to get something done. Its like this little game that I play with myself to see if I can actually complete the task. And if I beat the clock, then I am a winner in my eyes.

I have accepted that the little game that I played had caused me time, stress, and frustration. Time that I don't have, stress that I don't need, and frustration that nearly makes one of the vessels in my brain pop and pour straight out of my eyeballs. I know that sounded pretty graphic and dramatic, but thats how I imagine it and the thought of it haunts me nearly everyday because I feel like I am on the verge of reaching that state. Pray for me. It doesn't hurt to have all of my pens and pencils in one place. Having a jar for my loose change rather than all over the floor and in various pockets of my jeans and purses makes me feel richer than I really am. Not having to stress about the dishes in the sink or the overflowing laundry basket gives me a piece of mind and gives me time to stress about other things that are more deserving of my thoughts. I guess adding some organization and tidyness into my life isn't so bad afterall. I'd have to come up with new games that will somehow act as motivation. Like a child, everyday is a game to me and I wonder who would win. So far, it hasn't been 'game over' and like most other games, if I complete a task or accomplish something (no matter how small), there is more time added to my clock and I get a boost of energy and life. Whoever said that people who like to play games is silly.

Life is a game. Play it how you like to and don't give up... just make sure you enjoy every moment of it and don't forget to pause it for short potty breaks.

Fallen Lakewood Police Officers Memorial

The Memorial Procession for the four Lakewood Police Officers is today, held at the Tacoma Dome. Again, so close to home, a piece of me is there with them and my heart just aches watching the procession live online.

Its bittersweet to see that there are people all over the world, police officers in particular there to show their love and support to the family, friends, and fellow officers of the fallen. There are many who flew up from Oakland and Los Angeles amongst other police departments around the country to show their respect for our fallen heroes. Its sad to lose loved ones... officers or not. Its just heart breaking to know that these are innocent people who were working to keep our people and communities safe, yet their lives were taken in such a senseless and cruel way. I hope that this will work as a wake up call for everyone that they need to have respect and appreciation for those in law enforcement. They are not just there to give you a hard time, they are there to try to protect us to the best of their ability. Even before this tragedy, I was always annoyed whenever people didn't show appreciation for those who genuinely cared for our well being... such as police officers.

They will always be remembered and honored... may their heroic souls rest in peace. My thoughts are with their loved ones today.

Distraught

I know that its been awhile since I last posted anything. I've learned and discovered so many new things this past week that I often didn't find time to post or I would start to post something but then I get distracted into doing something else and my post never gets done. I had so much to say during those times but with the clock ticking faster than I had hoped and wouldn't listen to my requests for it to take a break, I lost it all. I just wish that time can just stand still for just a few moments when you need it to so that you have some time to absorb, process, and deliver your information and thoughts. I guess I was born in either the wrong time or the wrong universe.

The slaying of the four Lakewood police officers shook me... my heart ached as I learned more about the heartless murder. Although I do not know the victims personally, I know what it is like to lose a loved one. To lose someone that you held so dearly to your heart in this way is such a tragedy and my thoughts and prayers go out to their loved ones.

I will not go into detail on the story because there are many articles written and reports that are more credible than mine and it also brings back painful thoughts trying to tell the story again. Please, if you are interested, it is a story worth researching and reading about. However, I am not afraid to express my own personal opinions about the nightmare that is unfortunately a reality. How someone can have such a cruel heart is beyond me and I am frightened to know that there are such people out there right now... everywhere. I understand that there are personal problems and possibly mental and health issues that drew people to do what they do, but that is where professional help comes in. They are there for a reason and living in a world with endless resources, this should not be an excuse or a reason to take issues so lightly.

The fact that innocent lives were taken and many other innocents were at risk of the same danger is what worries me the most. What also got me drawn deeper into this story and was at the edge of my seat during and even days after the incident(s) was the fact that it happened so close to home. I know that I need to face reality and understand that the world is not perfect nor will it ever be, but this one really hit home... literally. Knowing that the killer was still on the loose for days and could have been anywhere and learning later that he was no more than 10 miles away from my Parents' house at one point and only a few miles away from my relatives' houses at other points made me numb. I was scared, worried, and couldn't seem to do anything else but continue to follow the intense story and kept up with all the live updates continuously to make sure that my loved ones amongst others are safe. I know that being a thousand of miles away, there is not much that I can do but to relay the information that I know to those that are in danger so that they are aware.... and pray. I lost sleep and at random times cried thinking about what could happen and might be happening. I was told that I was paranoid and worried too much, but how could I not?

I was relieved to know that the killer was found and shot dead a few days later by a hero that could have easily been a fifth victim... but I can't help but continue to worry. There were people who were helping him run and hide even after learning that he in fact killed four innocent police officers. I understand that Family comes first and blood runs thicker than water, but knowing that the person did such a thing, you have to realize that there is no way out. Take responsibility for your own actions and you should help them do the same. The outcome may not be what you want, but those are the consequences that you'd have to face for what you've done. Life isn't fair... take the fallen innocents for example. If the man responsible, Maurice Clemmons, did the right thing and turned himself in or his family did, he might still be alive now and may be able to get his story out (although I don't think its very deserving, but others would probably get answers and not have to continue to wonder and guess for very long) and his family would not be facing these unnecessary convictions. I guess some would rather die than go back to prison, but that still doesn't make things better for those who cared about you. And to know that there are people out there who are supportive of him and his actions and would have the audacity to say that they would have helped the murderer and excuses him for what he'd done because he "had his reasons"... it scares me. Those people could also potentially be a menace to society.

In another case, a dead body was found in the Puyallup River in Fife, a small town that is next door to where my parents live. This was only a few days after the slaying of the officers, but I wonder if these cases are related in any way. Then to know that a black rose was left at the Tacoma Police Department by an unknown person got me even more paranoid. I don't know how others see it and I know we all see it differently, but black roses are not a good sign in my opinion. It is usually given to the dead or a sign of revenge. I take it as a threat, but I guess there are others who take it as a kind gesture to show support. That is strange to me because this rose was not left at the memorial that they had for the fallen nor was it left at the Lakewood Police Department... but at the Tacoma Police Department where the family and friends of the killer reside. Also, the killer had an intention of killing police officers... that was his main target. Am I the only one who can add up these pieces together and take it as a threat and am worried? Maybe I am looking too much into it or I am just paranoid, but I don't think that these little things should be bypassed or taken lightly after such a horrific event. But hey... what can I do? I am not there and I am not a professional investigator or detective (although I usually like to pretend that I am and believe that I would be a great one if I wasn't such a chicken). Either way, I just pray that this will be the end of it and will be a lesson to many. May it be a wake up call for all of us to understand that things and people we love the most can be taken from us without a warning or mercy. Lets not take the things and people we love for granted and just like the title of my blog, cherish the moments. Hold those you love closest to your heart and don't hesitate to tell them what they mean to you and thank them constantly because it never hurt anyone to show appreciation for you never know if you'd be given another opportunity to do so.

May the souls of the fallen rest in peace and may love, comfort, and thoughts be with their loved ones during these times.

DROID, Schmoid!!

Sam got his Droid yesterday. Yeah, I'm pretty jealous. However, I still love my BB and and still very thankful for it. Hmph! But now, who is going to BBM me? Haha...

Wish I had the funds to do some Christmas shopping right now. Boo!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have taken the initiative to cook at Sam's parents' house. Oh my... pressure pressure! Wish me luck!

When someone is in their death bed, they don't ask for their trophies and money... they ask for their Family and Friends. Now... which is more important again?

A little consideration... please?

Please note that this rambling has nothing to do with what has been happening in my life nor is it intended to refer to one situation in particular. I am speaking in general... but if the hat fits, wear it.

I like to do things that would make situations more convenient for all. Most of the time, I usually end up getting the short end of the stick because I would rather do the work than make my loved ones do the work. Does that make sense? I would stretch myself out real thin to the point where I am nearly breakable. And when I do (if ever) break, no one is there to help me pick up the pieces and glue myself back together but myself. I guess there are some people who enjoy having it easy and used to having things handed to them. So in the end, they think that things come easy and they forget that there are people who made it possible for them to experience it easy. You follow?

Next time something comes easy, just remember that it may not have been that easy for someone who made it that easy for you.

Thats all, folks!

Missing You...

Last night as I laid to sleep, I couldn't help but miss my Parents so much. I wanted to call them, but it was already 1am and I knew that they'd be asleep and if their phone was to ring at that hour, they would probably worry and think that something is wrong. So, I refrained myself.

This morning, I called home. I just spoke to Daddy and he is as cute as ever. I think he really misses me too because the other day as I was talking to Mom about Thanksgiving, he asked if I was coming home and when I said I wasn't, he said that he was going to make the turkey this year and it would be better than mine! Hehe... I believe him too... my Dad's a great and creative cook who uses what he has and makes it work every time. Very resourceful, he is.

I wish I can be there during times like these... just being in the same room with them makes me happy. Even if they are lecturing me the entire time, its a great feeling. And the kids... I miss the kids so much, its crazy. My Justin is all grown up and I am sad I am not there to see him grow into the fine gentleman I know he will be.

My family, my love... I miss you.

Thankful

There are many things for me to be thankful for... where should I begin?

• My Family -- Thank you for always being there for me and accepting me in every shape or form. The love we share is unconditional and unspoken of, but it is there... solid and strong. This had been a rough year for all of us, but we pulled through and have proven that we can get through anything.
• My Friends -- Thank you for all the times that you all have given me a shoulder to lean on and always willing to give me a hand when and if I am ever in need. Your love, care, and concerns for me is more than I could ever ask for. Near or far, you are close to my heart... always.
• My Husband -- Thank you for being the wonderful Man that you are and loving me as much as you do. You never cease to amaze me with your patience and tolerance of me. Most of all, thank you for being my best friend and sticking by my side through anything and everything.
• My Blackberry -- Oh, how you have changed my life! (Seriously...)
• Life -- Thank you for giving me all this time to breathe and many more breaths to come. Thank you for blessing me with the greatest people I've ever known, a roof over my head, and food on my plate.

I love my life... and for that, I am thankful.

To friend, or not to friend??

We meet so many different people in our lives. Some we love, and some we hate. Some we respect, and some we despise. Some stay in our lives longer than most, and some just walk on by. Each person was brought into our lives for a reason... either the reason is to teach us a lesson or was just to fill up empty spaces, there was a reason.

I will admit, I am often foolish and naive and quick to befriend anyone and everyone. My problem is that I trust people too easily and can tell one my life story only thirty short minutes after meeting them. This, I've got to stop.

I consider many people my friends... but I think that I need to reevaluate and differentiate friends from acquaintances. I am finally starting to realize and sense who are true to me and who care about me... and slowly able to point out who is fake to me or who is only there in my life for their own selfish reasons. They were brought into my life for a reason as well... and that reason is that they were here to teach me a lesson. I may be fooled and you might still fool me now, but I will catch on... no doubt.

When it comes to people, I can be on two opposite ends of the spectrum. I can be very nice to you beyond belief (yet genuinely), or I can be a total bitch (and witch) that you probably wish you never crossed paths with. If I truly care about you though, its hard for me to be confrontational or try to upset you... no matter how many times you've screwed me over. This is not a good thing and I am trying to change it immediately. If I never gave a damn about you to begin with, its easy to turn my witch mode on. I don't recommend.

I like friends who enjoy good company and good conversations. If all you want to do is party it up and really don't give a damn about me, then you're not my friend.

If you truly cared about me, then showing that you do wouldn't be like twisting your arm. If I knew that one of my friends was going through hard times, then there is no doubt that I would show you that I am concerned. I know that there are some that I considered "friends" who read my blog religiously (you know who you are), but even seeing that when I go through some things that I do, a mere 5 second text is too much to ask from them. Its sad. If I know that you read your emails 24/7 but it takes you a week to respond to an email letting you know what's going on with me, then obviously I am not of importance and its best to stop faking the funk. If you respond to emails about going out immediately, I don't see how/why it would take you a week to respond to a message letting you know what's going on with me. All it took was a click on REPLY and typing a couple of words like, "I'm sorry to hear" or "hope things get better" or "take care". I am not being needy... but really, that's all it took. It would be one thing if you rarely check your email, but I know for a damn fact that your email is at your fingertips. Good luck when it comes to your time when things aren't so pretty. Maybe then you will realize that hearing from a friend that he/she cares during those hard times really makes a difference in how you feel. Again, good luck.

I talked to a friend who recently went through hard times about this issue and she and I feel the same way. Its during those hard times when you realize who your true friends are and who are there for you. Sad, but so true.

Oh... and with FB nowadays, it couldn't be easier. You see people's updates all the time and you manage to respond to the happy go lucky statuses but during the sad ones where it really matters, its too hard to make a 5 second response, right? Ha! That's funny. I know its lame how I am bringing FB statuses up and it sounds immature, right? But... am I wrong? You can respond to me talking about having a great time somewhere, but its too much to ask to show some concern, isn't it? (sarcasm)

Its sad that people you feel distant from or people you didn't consider close friends have the time and willingness to take initiative and show their concern and that they care... but those whom I considered close, don't. Sad.

If you have no time for me, what makes you think that I should cater to your schedule and your needs? Friendship is a two way street and I will meet you halfway. I'm done walking the whole road alone.

Stop with the comparing and competing. Friends need to be supportive of each other, not secretly wonder and wish for their "friend" to fail to make themselves look better. I thought this only happens amongst the old fogies, but I guess I was wrong. Its rather amusing to see, actually. I sit here and think, "are you freakin' kidding me?".

Oh. And please don't only come to me when you have drama. I've retired my old dramatic ways and have stepped off the drama queen's throne. I've realized that a lot of my drama wasn't mine to begin with, but I was only trying to defend my friends and help with their battles. I guess I was seen as the confrontational one who would stand up for my friends... even without hearing all sides of the story. Silly me. I really hope I have grown out of this. Pray for me.

I may seem like I don't know what's going on, but I do. I chose not to confront you because I cared about you and saw you as a true "friend". Silly me... you tricked me! I am writing this now because I feel like writing and I have some time to kill before I land.

If I struck any cords, then its safe to assume this was towards you. If you don't understand and are confused, just ask. Knowing some patterns, you will probably bring this up to other friends, and that's fine. If I struck their cords too, then assume they should do as well. I doubt you'd ask me yourself. Rather, you'd try to recruit and get a number of people to back you up because you usually don't fight your own battles. That's fine.
Come one, come all.

Okay... about to land and I need to shut off my phone. Darn! I had more to say too... but toodle loo!

NOTE: Not intended towards anyone in particular... but if the shoe fits, wear it. :)

Insomnia

I can't seem to fall asleep for some reason.

I did some reflecting today. I realize that I am blessed and will try my best to keep my good and close friends... well, close. I will not sit on my high horse with my nose in the air thinking that no one will be at my level. It irritates me to see those who do this. I understand that its all part of their personality and not everyone can be the same, but I would like to keep those who fall under this category as far away from me as possible. I don't need such negativity in my life. When people stop inviting you to places or asking you to join in on their festivities, its probably because they don't enjoy your company and would rather not have you there. Don't make excuses for yourself. What does it mean to have good friends and to enjoy good company? Its a two way street and if you can't seem to make time and put any effort into a friendship, why should they? You get what you give, give what you get, and get what you deserve. If people start cutting you out of their lives, maybe its time to take a step back and reflect on how you are being treated. Ask yourself if by any chance could it be that way due to the way that you treat people? Take a good/hard look at yourself.

Sam had to work overtime tonight and thank goodness Yacky had volunteered herself to be my guinea pig and try to thread her eyebrows. Oh man... its harder to do it for other people than for yourself, but I would love to master the art of it and make my next clients less numb and hopefully they wouldn't come that close to peeing in their pants in the future.

My life, goals, vision, and priorities are all being reconsidered and rearranged at the moment.

Here I Go...

Its been awhile since I really posted an actual post, huh? Well, my life had been crazy for the past... almost a whole month. I failed to blog because there is just so much that I want to say, but I know that I wouldn't have enough time or enough words to describe my life in full. Usually, I like writing but at the moment, I'd much rather sit down and have a heart to heart with the people who are closest to me. With that said, I'll try my best to summarize and though it is a challenge for me to do so, I will try to keep it short.

Now... where shall I start?

I got married! Yes, I definitely panicked and stressed before the actual day... I even cried a few times! BUT... when it came to the day(s), it was such a smooth ride. I honestly thought that I'd be Bridezilla, but one of my bridesmaids pointed out, "Wow, Thyda... you're really chill and you are nowhere close to being Bridezilla". Thank goodness! I really owe everything to my Family and my close friends. My FAMILY... oh my gosh... words can not describe how grateful I am for them. They did not let me worry about a single thing and on top of taking care of everything that needed to be, they made sure that I was relaxed and enjoying myself. If I needed something, they were there for me without even making me ask them twice. My siblings and I have a lot of unspoken love for each other... they are absolutely amazing! My friends... wow... they were by my side through it all. I honestly let a lot of things slip through my fingers because honestly, I am not a planner and am the least organized person I know. OH... and I'm a HUGE procrastinator... so you can just imagine. My friends were there to pick up everything I let slip and again, not let me worry about anything. The day of my wedding was the day that I realized how blessed I am with the greatest people in my life... my Family, friends, and my new Husband. :)

The day(s) were filled with so many tears. Everyone who knows me know that I'm a Baby... a cry baby that is! Being the youngest in the family, my siblings always felt that they needed to take care of me... which they did. Throughout the wedding, we were blessed over and over and I can't help but feel that each one of their blessings also felt like a Goodbye. We all know that I'll be moving after the wedding and though I am glad to be starting my life with my Husband, I can't help but feel the sadness I do when I think about being so far away from my Family. My Family loves me... so much. Everyone who was at the wedding ceremony can see that. They cried... I cried... both tears of joy and tears of sadness to know that we will be further apart. :( I am choking up thinking about it all again. Maybe I'll get into more details about that later. Oh... and the only thing that really upset me was the fact that I didn't try on my dress before the wedding so when I put it on and ready to go, the top was falling off and someone had to sew it in for me right away... within ten minutes! So... my dress ended up not looking the way I had wanted it to, but thats okay... I'll live.

To me, my wedding was PERFECT. It was more than I expected it to be and its unfortunate that it all felt like a blur to me... more like a dream!

Many of you may already know... but the day that everyone left to go back home, my Mom grew sick that night. To the point where my Sister and I had to rush her to the emergency room at 4am. It was a painful process and I have never felt so numb in my life. By the time we got to the hospital, my Mom stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. Right when they said, "we don't have a pulse", I nearly collapsed. It was a moment that I don't like to think about... but it still haunts me every single day. We were told that they weren't sure she was going to make it... and my heart dropped. That was the moment that I felt like I couldn't go on with my own life... it was hard for me to breathe myself. The rest of my family got there... and we were in each others' arms... and making sure that my Dad was okay. Finally, they came and let us know that they performed CPR and got her heart beating again, but she wasn't breathing and was on life support. She was at risk of brain damages if she was going to make it, so they had to wrap her in sheets of ice to keep her core temperature cool. My Mother was in a coma... at that point we didn't know if she was going to make it, but we were hopeful. The sight of my Mom basically freezing with a huge tube down her throat and unconscious broke my heart. I knew that she was sick because of the stress she had been under and because of all the work that she had done for me for MY wedding. My Mom doesn't complain when she's sick and she especially didn't even make a moan this time because she constantly said that there is no way she is going to be sick on her baby's wedding day... no way. Many things happened during those days that she was in the intensive care unit, but as I said, I'd rather sit down and have a heart to heart with those closest to me. Finally after about 3 days, my Mom attempted to open her eyes while holding mine and my Sister's hands. It was a miracle... the feeling is indescribable. She continued to stay in the intensive care unit for another 3 or 4 days until they were able to take off the ventilator. She still had difficulty breathing, but my Mom was a fighter and she told me that she was going to be strong for me. She wasn't able to speak yet... not even cough because of all the blisters caused by the ventilator. My poor Mom... I can only imagine all the pain she felt. I'd have to excuse myself and hide and cry outside her room many times because again, it was hard to see my Mother in that state. She experienced some memory loss, but one of the first things she asked was, "Did I make it to my daughter's wedding?". She didn't remember the wedding, but it slowly came back to her later. The doctors predicted that she would have to stay at the hospital for at least another two weeks. Thankfully, my Mom recovered sooner than anyone had ever expected. How? Because she is a strong woman and a fighter... there's nothing she can't overcome. She's amazing!

It took her a few more days to be able to walk slowly by herself. After being hospitalized for nearly two weeks altogether, she was discharged. Though she came back home, it took her awhile to do things by herself again. I felt blessed to be able to bathe for my Mom and hold her hand through tough times... letting her know that I will always be there for her. My Sisters flew back from CA right away and so did my nieces and nephews... and so did Sam. The nurses and doctors said that they felt the warmth and love of our family and told us that we were lucky. Yes... we are lucky.

On top of everything, I still had another wedding reception to worry about. To be honest, I was on the verge of cancelling it. BUT... there was no way that my Mom would let me. Sam took care of everything... he's the best.

You can imagine how torn I felt at the time. I know that I agreed to move down to CA after I get married, but with my Mom being this sick, I had to rethink my decision. Even so, my Mom told me that she would not be able to live with herself if I was to stay back in WA with her because she does not want to hold me back from my life and my future. I tried to tell her not to look at it that way, but she got emotional and told me that I have to move on and live my life and she promised that she would be fine. Of all my siblings, my oldest Sister and I are the only two who have never really lived far from my Parents. For me, its because as I said, I'm a Baby and I need to be with my Parents most of the time. I feel so guilty for leaving them now, but they wouldn't allow me to stay back. I'm torn. Now, my plan is to move my Parents with me to CA within the next year or two. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow... or shall I say, today... I will be making the big move. I can't sleep. There is so much on my mind and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Also, its my nephew Justin's birthday. I feel so guilty for leaving him on this day... he's like my son to me. He told me today that he was going to miss me... and my tears just started to roll and I couldn't stop it. It came even more when my precious nephew tried to wipe away my tears. He then told me not to cry because he's visiting soon. Which is true! My family is going only a few days after me, but even so, its hard.

There are still so many things that I need to get done... even when I leave in the morning. I asked my Parents to still keep my room for me because I'll be back (duh!)... and they said of course! I had a going away dinner with the ladies on Monday and happy hour with the girls last night. Gosh... I love all of them. Thank goodness for great girlfriends who are more than willing to sit there to listen to me b*tch for hours and also give me a hug when I need it most. As I said, I've been blessed.

I haven't seen the new place yet, but apparently, its only a couple blocks away from the beach... so I'm excited. Sam hasn't given me too many details because he said that its a surprise... LOL! He's been so patient with me through everything... definitely the best Husband I could ever ask for. :)

Okay... time to go to bed. Its 5:30am... I might as well not sleep, huh? Oh well... maybe I can get a few minutes in. Goodnight... Good Morning.