March 31, 2009

Jenniponi & Teeeeeds DAY

Waiting for my Jenniponi to pick me up. We're gonna play all day today! YAYYYYY!

Miss that woman. Actually, miss all my ladies! They're bahmmmmm!!

I have a feeling we're gonna be up to no good... somehow, someway!

March 30, 2009

Awwwww!!!! SO Freakin' Cute!

Lookie what I found!!

Awwww... makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside right now. I miss my Baby. 52 more days... and I'm back in his arms. YAY me!!

March 27, 2009

I am so PROUD!!

Mr. Yuong is not only a family friend of ours, but he was one of the most amazing teachers that I've ever had! I even became his T.A. for two semesters straight. ANDDDDDD... he was my Driver's Ed. teacher! LOL! It was so funny because in our driving group was Ranny, Ian (Korean), Trung, and I. He would make us feel so comfortable driving, yet taught us all how to drive. We're all GREAT drivers, I might add! HAHA! I remember one time he asked Ian if he knew what the bumps on the lanes were, and Ian said that it was for BLIND drivers! LMAO! WTF! My first time driving on the freeway, I took an exit and drove through an espresso stand and treated the group to some coffee. I didn't get in trouble... he NEEDED the coffee and so did we! I'm so proud to see this and trust me... this award is well earned and long overdue.

Talking to Ranny now... I think we're going to go visit him! Jenn will be stoked to hear this too because she also had classes with him.

Ahhhhhhh... I'm so happy for him!!


So excited for my trips that I even dreamt that I was being kidnapped to my destinations! LOL!

March 26, 2009


So the weekend that Sovina is visiting, is not just going to be any weekend. We're going to have a girls' retreat!!! LOL... I'm so excited!!

I'm so ready for a fun filled crazy weekend with the girls. No drama for nobody's mama. Chill and FUN ladies is all I need to brighten up my days! We've been talking about this for awhile now, but with my Parents' "bus" that they just purchased, its finally happenin'!

Oh yeah... whenever I told each one of the girls about my parents' purchase. They started LAUGHING their butts off. Like... out loud!! HATERS... thats why its now the official pimp mobile! We're going to paint it and everything!! (okay maybe not. parents would KILL me)


I just figured out where we're staying in Cancun.

The amazing Riu Cancun!!

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo stoked! Ahhhhhh!! Cancun is NOT ready for these 9 girls who are already booked (maybe more)!!!


SISSY in town!!

Sovina's coming to play with me in a few weeks! YAYYYYY! I've missed her so and the last few times I was in LB, we didn't get to hang out... but we randomly ran into each other at the grocery store!! LOVE this girl... she is like.. my kindred soul or something! Sista from another motha and daddy too! LMAO!

I can't wait! We pretty much have the whole four days planned! Eeeeeek! :D

Star Struck...

After my Uncle's funeral last weekend, my Sister and I drove down to California VERY early the next morning. She had already missed a week of work and couldn't afford to miss any more. I helped drive a good 4 hours out of 19! LOL! I don't think she really trusted me with her car, but even she admit that she needed a break. :D

We got in early the next morning and pretty much spent most of the day recuperating in bed. The next morning, I had to be at the airport by 5 something am since my plane was leaving to come home at 7am. Yes, it was a VERY short "trip", if that, but I didn't want to leave my Parents at home by themselves for too long after all that they've been through.

While waiting for my flight, I noticed Somaly Mam there! Of course my bold ass went up to her to say hello! Surprisingly, she had heard about me! I'm guessing its through Ranny since she recently met her in Cambodia and I was the one who suggested her foundation to Ranns when she was trying to figure out which charity to work for. Chit chatted with her for a little while... then she gave me her card and told me to contact her! Ahhh... I know she probably gives the card out to everyone she meets, but I still felt special! :D She's so sweet and even more inspiring in person!

Barely slept on my plane ride because JetBlue is the worst airline I've ever flown with... and I've flown on quite a bit of different airlines. Got to SeaTac airport and I heard someone yell out my name. It was Nara, her Mom, her Sister, and her niece (the one who has a love/hate relationship with me). They were flying to LB for a week and were just about to hop on the plane I just got off of. Hopefully their flight was better than mine. I'm going to believe that it was just the morning turbulence caused by the morning clouds? Haha... okay whatever.

Parents picked me up and since we were already there... we had some Dim Sum in the morning. Yum! It was nice to sit down and actually talk to my parents for the first time in weeks. They'd been so busy with much on their minds. Damn... I love them.

Happy Thoughts

Its been a rough few weeks for my Family, as you can imagine. At the same time, it is also a wake up call for us and a reminder of how strong our Family bond can be and the love that we all share for one another. Though they are both in a better place now, my Aunt and Uncle will always be remembered and missed.

I love you.

March 24, 2009

Its Hard...

On the day of my Dad's older Brother's funeral, my Mom's older Sister passed away.

Yes... these are hard times and I intend on spending every minute as close to my Family as I can. My poor Parents... can you imagine whats going through their mind? Its hard... real. hard. My Parents are so strong... I can't even imagine being in their shoes right now.

March 19, 2009

My Parents' Little Secret

So yesterday while my Parents were over at my Aunt's place prepping for the ceremony and funeral, my oldest Sister came over and was like, "did you see Mom and Dad's new car?" We're like... "they didn't get a new car!" Then she goes, "I heard they did.... maybe I heard wrong". We all agreed that maybe she heard wrong and left it at that.

A couple hours later, my Aunt and Uncle (Mom's younger Sister and her Husband) came over and asked "where is your parents' car parked?" We're like... WTF? My Aunt quickly changed the subject, but we didn't let her off the hook. She just said, "you heard nothing from me". We were sooooooooo confused. Our parents didn't get another car!!!!

A few minutes later, our Parents arrived and we confronted them about this "new car". My Mom smiled and said, "I don't know what car... ask your Dad". Dad came in and had a smile on his face. We KNEW something was up. They confessed that they did buy a new car. They didn't want to tell us kids because they were afraid that we were going to get mad. We wouldn't have gotten mad if they had just TOLD us... but they freakin' tried to hide it! (Especially when they already have their Toyota T100 truck and their brand new car that they just bought a few months ago)

We asked what kind of car it was, and it was a freakin' 15 passenger van!! WTF?!?!?! WHO the hell buys that? I thought those were only for rentals and churches and other organizations... not families! LMAO! BUT... my Dad had always wanted one of those things to haul his kids and grandchildren. He would always admire them and make comments how he would like to have one one day whenever he would see one.

As a matter of fact, whats funny is that on Tuesday, we drove past a white 15 passenger van and my Mom said, "Pa... look... its your car!" My Dad looked over and was like, "Yeah... don't you like it, koun?" We were just like... whatever... that thing is huge. And my Parents just laughed to themselves. I then sort of explained it to my Sister that its a car that Daddy had always wanted, and thats why my Mom said that its my Dad's car. Little did we know that my Parents had tricked us all this time! LOL!!!!

We're not upset or angry that they bought the car. As a matter of fact, we're glad that they did because its something that they've always wanted and we want them to be happy. We just find it funny that they tried to hide it from us (they parked it over at my Brother's house) and told my Aunt and Uncle not to tell us. LMAO! Their reasoning is that they always have to bring two SUVs whenever we have a family event, so this van will eliminate the need of two seperate cars. Besides, they were going to rent the car for two weeks in May (for relative's wedding in LB) and then again in August (for my wedding receoption in LB). AND... they're going to have three daughters living in California and they're going to visit often with their grandkids. They know that airline tickets are cheap, but they said that they're going to need a car to get around in Cali themselves and my Mom has this fear of flying. If she could, she would rather drive anywhere... even to Cambodia! LOL!

Each one of my siblings laughed really hard when they found out. I told Sam that my parents got the 15 passenger van and he yelled, "a... what?!?!?!?!?" LMAO! Yeah... pretty funny.

Ahhhh... my Parents. So funny! We had a good big ol' family laugh at home last night. Good times. I asked my Parents what other secrets they have hiding from us... do we have other brothers and sisters we don't know about? They laughed and promised that that was the ONLY secret they tried to keep from us and unfortunately, it didn't last long. LOL. They're so freakin' cute!

Our new PIMP Mobile! We're gonna pimp it out!!

Parent/Teacher Conference

So tonight is my nephew's parent/teacher conference. I'm not a parent, but I feel like one so I insist on going with my Sister. She said GOOD since I'm the one who helps him with his homework and stuff and if he behaves badly, I am to blame. WTF? Its okay though. My nephew is watching me type this out right now and he is looking at me all weird. He's so cute.

JUSTIN -- Can you read this right now? I love you so much!

This morning as I made him hot chocolate, I asked him if he's going to miss me when I move to California. He said, "awwww man!!!"

I'm so going to miss this little guy the most. *sigh*

March 18, 2009


Bye Bye - Mariah Carey

How to hold in tears?

The other day at the temple, my entire family came to me and asked if I could speak at my Uncle's funeral. They chose me because they know that I loved him like a Father and I have many great memories with him that I can share. As much as I love my Uncle, I just don't know how I would be able to do this. Every time I start to talk about him, my tears just start to stream and I don't want to fill the room up with even more tears. Also, I don't think people would understand much of what I'd be saying... especially when I'm crying. I won't let my Uncle down though. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to hold my composure and hold back tears when speaking. I do have many memories that I would love to share with the rest of the family and I need to make him proud. I must.

March 17, 2009

Picking Up...

Slowly but surely picking the pieces back up. My Uncle is in a better place and though my heart still aches and often feels empty, I am starting to accept and live with this fact. He is very much loved and will never be forgotten.

Thanks to everyone for their concerns, prayers, thoughts, and kind words. Whether it be MySpace, Facebook, text, email, comment, or phone calls (which I got very many of), I really appreciated every single one of them. Its times like these when I really appreciate the little things which mean most. Its also times like these when I realize who my true friends are and who actually really cares about me enough to take 10 seconds of their time to acknowledge what I'm going through. Definitely not a cry for attention, but a nice wake up call and realization of who will probably care most or be there for me when I need them most. I needed great people to talk to, and my true friends did not hesitate to give me a call and lend me their ear and shoulder. :)

I am blessed with some wonderful people in my life... the best family and the best friends. I've learned not to take anyone for granted and to express my feelings and gratitude towards those I love more often. My Mom is great with "I Love You's"... and I think I'm starting to pick it up from her.

My family... is amazing! Where would I be without them? Ahhh... I don't even want to imagine. I know that we get into our little fights and petty BS... but at the end of the day, I know that I couldn't ask for more. I'm looking forward to family reunions. My Cousin (Bong Voeun) said that he does not want to have to wait until tragic hits to actually hang out as a family. Its hard to get everyone together... especially considering how big my family is. BUT... we are definitely going to work on that. I promise.

March 15, 2009


Rest in Peace, Oum. I know that you're in a much better place now with no pain and suffering. You have a HUGE family that loves you and misses you very much... I'm sure you already know that. There are so many memories that I have of you and please be assured that they will live on forever. I love you... so so much.

-Kmouy Thyda

March 11, 2009

Life can be so cruel and so cold...

My Uncle's biopsy results came in. The rest of the family was to show up at the hospital at 2pm to speak to the Doctor and hear the news all together and ask questions, if any. The Doctor showed up at 12:20pm and only my Sister and I were there with my Uncle. We asked him to wait until 2pm to speak to the rest of the family since that was the time that we agreed on the day prior. He said, "I'll only be here for 15 minutes and then you won't see me again for two days. I'm a busy person, thats just the way my life is". How cold and heartless, mother fucker! His name is Dr. Senical (cynical)... his name suits him perfectly, it seems.

I was not prepared to tell my Uncle... but my Sister and I had to. Holding his hand, you can see the hurt in his face when we were telling him. I was heartbroken and torn and hated myself for being the one who had to tell my Uncle that he was dying. I tried to tell him to be strong and keep fighting because we are all going to fight WITH him. He asked me if there's a cure. I told him no. He asked if surgery was an option. Again, I had to tell him no. From that point on (yesterday), he had been so miserable.

My poor Uncle... hurting in many more ways than one and I am watching him and there's not a DAMN thing that I can do about it. I hate myself for this. I'd rather be the one laying there in that bed than him. He does not deserve this and it hurts to see him suffer like that.

Since we gave him the news, his spirits crushed. He has not stayed awake for more than five minutes at a time. When he's asleep, we can see the pain in his face and again, not a damn thing we can do. He hasn't been able to get up or eat... he does not even have the energy to sip water with his straw.

This is byfar the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life. Its really a wake up call and I'm still learning so much from this. :( I feel this pain in my chest and my heart... and its killing me inside.

I know that at this point, its hard to stay in denial. I'm slowly starting to accept this fact of life and though its so hard and painful to accept, its inevitable. I just really hope that when the time comes, my Uncle will not be suffering or hurt. He's a great Man and deserves so much more than this. Life isn't fair... its rather cruel and cold and at the moment, I am angry with it.

Although I am preparing myself for the worst, I am still expecting the best. I have not given up hope and am still continuing to pray.

(this is hard for me to talk about in full details.... I still feel so numb inside with a stab through my chest and my heart)

March 10, 2009


The biopsy test results didn't come in today as expected. My Sister and I got to the hospital around 8am... couldn't get much sleep last night either. HOW do you go to bed peacefully knowing that someone you love so much is suffering and in so much pain? We tried not to leave his side at any time because we knew that he was scared and didn't want to be alone. Everytime that we had to step out of his room, we'd let him know. He hated being alone, we can tell.

My two sisters, my cousin, and I were asked to speak to the doctor to figure out where we are at at this point. It was an emotional and difficult one... probably the hardest hour I've had to sit through. My oldest sister is unofficially our family's spokesperson, and I really don't know how she does it. I am very thankful for her... especially during times like these.

My Uncle was doing so well yesterday. He wanted to get better and tried his very best to do what he can that we told him might make him feel better and stronger. Today, I told him that stretching will help his muscles and five minutes later, he asked me to help him stretch.

It took a turn today. He was not feeling well and started throwing up blood. It started once every few hours. Before I left, it was every twenty minutes. I asked the nurse how long this vomiting would last... and she told me that it will last "until its over"... you know what that means. I was not prepared for this... especially after seeing what I thought was progress yesterday.

Its 12:30am... told my cousin that I'll be at the hospital by 5:30am so that he can go to work. Tempted to just go back now. I can't rest nor sleep like this.

He HAS to get better... at least for a little bit so that he can finally enjoy life. He'd worked too hard all his life. This just isn't fair.

I love you, Uncle! You will get better... you have to. I have faith in you... I really, really, do.

(I can't express how I truly feel at the moment... no words can really explain this hurt and pain I feel right now.)

March 9, 2009

Contnuing to PRAY...

My Uncle needs to get better. He is really trying so hard to fight this.

NEVER in my life have I ever felt so proud and seen such a strong fighter.

Its been another long, bittersweet, and scary day. Even so, we made it through.


More results from the biopsy coming tomorrow. Please, please, please pray for the best.

Just got home from the hospital... don't know if I can sleep tonight. I wish I can write down every little emotion and every conversation I've had these past few days. * sigh *

I've come to realize who and what is important to me. If I could turn back time, I would do so many things differently. I can't, so now I will do the best with my time from now on.

March 8, 2009


Just got back from the hospital. Its 1:08am... but with the "Spring Forward", that makes it 2:08am. I told them that I"ll be back by 8am tomorrow. Lets hope I get SOME sleep tonight since I haven't gotten any for the past three. Most importantly, my Uncle is getting his rest.

I would talk about this more, but I really do need to get to bed. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll have better news.

Again, please keep him in your thoughts. Miracles can happen... I KNOW it.

March 6, 2009


Its been a really long day... definitely a hard one. I couldn't sleep last night. The image of his 100 pound body lying on his bed kept flashing through my mind.

My Dad and I went to go pick up my Aunt this morning... around 8am. Her conditions have worsen since she knew that her husband (my Uncle) is sick. She's unable to walk, but she speaks clearly. She didn't even have the energy to hold on to the tissue paper in her hand. We carried her into the car, and she kept saying that she's not sure if she will make it over to the hospital. It was hard to see her like that... and we didn't know the right words to say. We arrived at the hospital and got a wheelchair for her. My heart just broke when I pushed her over by his side. He asked to hold her hand though it was shaky. Tears streamed down her face... no matter how hard she tried to control it. She told him to get better soon so that he can go home. She then went on and said that since the day that they met 49 years ago, they have never been apart for a day. Even when she was sick, he was still able to take care of her as she was bedridden, not knowing that he was sick himself. She later told the rest of the family that my Uncle had been visiting his family doctor, but they were so negligent of him being there. She said that whenever he went, he would tell them that he was in pain, but they sent him home on antibiotics. He continued to go see the doctor telling them that he was in pain, and they said to him that he's always back and always saying the same thing... advising him to just take his medication. WHY did they not look into his well being any more than they did? Again... I need to be reminded... WHAT the FUCK are they there for again?

Cancer doesn't happen overnight. If only they listened to his complaints and took more care of him, this might not even be as big of a problem as it is right now. A year he's been trying to tell his family doctor that he's sick, and did they take his words seriously? We can only wish they did. He's in his fourth and last stage and the cancer has already spread everywhere... even down to his bones. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that my poor Uncle is in right now.

My cousin walked through the door and I couldn't stop from crying because we both had so many memories with my Uncle. The nurse saw us together and came to give us a hug... which was very kind of her. Though my Uncle does not have any kids of his own, he is a Man with a HUGE heart and a HUGE family that loves him. Today, I saw at least 60 different faces of our HUGE family. I have relatives who are flying in to see him this weekend... some, all the way from Boston. I told you he is loved! :) Sopheap AKA "Moum" AKA Bumble Bee (my cousin that I mentioned before) and I sat in the car and reminisced about our childhood. Happy memories from when Oum Loun (my Uncle) would chase us and yell at us for being lazy. Our families used to pick beans (hehe.... no shame) during the summer and he would always be the first one there at the fields with his wife. They are such hard workers who were always hard on themselves. They worked so hard their whole lives and everyone who knew them knew that of them. There were times when my Uncle wouldn't let my Aunt in the car because she didn't wipe her feet ... LOL... he loved his car! The last time I saw him, he teased me about trading cars with me because I was driving a brand new car... and I told him that it was my Dad's car. Then he's like, "Wow.. your Dad has a new car? Can I borrow it for a day?" LOL... he's so cute! My handsome Uncle... he is VERY handsome... you would have thought so too if you saw him a couple months ago! ;)

He had a biopsy done today... a CT scan. I grew really frustrated because we have been waiting for this since yesterday. I know that the biopsy wouldn't have done anything to make it better... it was only to see where the cancer started. Of course, he couldn't eat or drink anything before the procedure. So, they literally starved him of food AND water since yesterday! If he was thirsty, we had to use a sponge to wet the insides of his mouth. He told us that he was thirsty and hungry since yesterday... and this morning when we got there, still... NOTHING. WTF? I didn't mean to go off on the Doctor... I knew that its not their fault, but they kept stalling for over a day. They told us it was going to be done in 30 minutes. It did not get done until 5:30pm today. 33 hours... 66 different "30 more minutes" sessions. Even after the hour long procedure, they did not let him eat until an hour later. He didn't get to eat anything until around 8pm. Even so, he was limited to clear broths... so all the food that we brought was thrown out. None of us had much of an appetite left. He drank about two glasses of water in one sitting. It broke my heart to see him like that. His arms are the skinniest I've ever seen on ANYONE... and you can see his ribs and the bones in his chest are visible. Never did I imagine him ever being like that. Our family lived a good life... and my cousin and I were convinced that our family was invincible. This is a shock to us.

After he got some energy back from his broth, I tried to lift his spirits and make everyone laugh in the room. I asked him if he wanted to trade cars for a day... and he said that he's only going to ride the most expensive car! LOL... I told him that he's going to have to ask my cousin (Bong Voeun)... HE drives the nicest car in the family. Then I told him to get better so we can go back and pick some beans and he can use his really tall buckets! He laughed! :) We tried to feed him some more, but as I mentioned before, he's strong... so he insisted on eating himself. I told him he'd better hurry before I eat all his food. He laughed and said that he believed me... I would eat all his food! LOL! I eat anything! His lips were so chapped, and I managed to dig some carmex and applied it for him. I told him he looked pretty and was worried that I put LIPSTICK on for him! :D I wish I could have, but he'd probably get up and kick my ass like he used to (jokingly). My Sister came... and I was like, "Oum, look! There's that MOUNTAIN!" (He used to tease her about her size) Then, I said, "here's my palm tree!" (we used to call him that because he's so tall!) He laughed and patted my head! It was a nice feeling. The nurse later came in and said something about going to the casino and he's like, "casino?" and the nurse joked with him a bit... asking him for $5 for every extra visitor he had because he had so many! :P She held out her hand and goes, "Can I have some money?" He asked her how much she wanted... and she said "a million!" and he goes, "TWO million!" and gave her his hand. It was so cute... and he was smiling. Later, we're like, "Uncle, we didn't know you wanna go to the casino!" He's like, "I've never been to one... and I want to go!" We told him to get better and we promise to all bring him! We said that we'd bring him to Vegas! AND... we'll buy him a really expensive car! He laughed. He said that he wanted to eat RICE and some Khmer "somlaw" (stew). Tomorrow, we're going to bring him lots of that! :D

My Uncle had always been a happy Man and always had a smile on his face. He has a great sense of humor and again, VERY strong. Anyone who knows him is LUCKY. There is a HUGE waiting room on the floor, and our entire family took over. Its so bittersweet to see everyone come together and really really pray for him. We hate the fact that we have to discuss our plans if and when the worst comes, but it had to be done. Definitely an emotional discussion that I would not ever want to have to go through again.

I've heard some great stories when doctors are wrong. I am also a true believer in miracles. If anyone deserves a miracle, it would have to be him. Please, please... keep my Uncle in your thoughts and prayers.

Please Pray

Last night, after being at the hospital, I had a chance to talk to the doctors and my oldest Brother who was there almost throughout the whole day. They have yet to place him in an actual room... he is in the Express Care Unit, which is pretty much a hallway with beds.

I finally heard the whole story, and I'm not impressed. When he was admitted into the hospital three weeks ago, they did find a lump, but St. Clare's hospital said that it was minute and he can wait to see a cancer specialist on March 15th. Three weeks later (yesterday), he was admitted to a different hospital (St. Joseph's) and we were told that if we waited any longer, we could have lost him. As you can see, March 15th would have been WAY too late.

Now, we were told that there is nothing else that they can do. The cancer has spread all throughout his body, even his spine. He's in his last stages and we were told that he has about three days to live, give or take. Again, March 15th would have been way too late. The doctors at St. Joseph's told us that he has had this for over a year now. How could St. Clare's not have seen anything wrong? I should have known. St. Clare's is known for being negligent with their patients. I really don't even know why they're still standing.

My Uncle is a strong man... he doesn't show his pain and you would never hear him complan no matter how much anything hurts. Yesterday, when he saw me come in the room, he STILL tried to push himself up to see me. My Uncle, a Man who once stood 5'11 at 160 pounds has now shrunk to a mere 5'6 at 105 pounds... and this happened over a three month period. I tried to be strong and not let him see me cry, but he saw. I gave him a hug, and he was a bit shaken by it. I kissed him on the cheek many times and I'm not sure if he was annoyed, but I don't care. I have to let him know that I love him and even in this condition, I'm not afraid of being close to him.

What hurts even more is that when he heard about my engagement the last time he saw me, he teased and said that he never goes to anyone's wedding... he usually sends money with others as gifts, but he's definitely coming to his niece's (mine). :( Now, I really hope the doctors are wrong. I really really hope so.

His Wife is also sick, and she has not yet been to the hospital to see him. This morning, he requested for her. I'm on my way to go pick her up to see him. My heart's going to break.

Please, if you're reading this... please please pray for my Uncle. Thank You.

March 5, 2009


I love you. Please stay strong. You still tried to get up today when I came to see you. That was my first time really kissing you on the cheek. Please don't let it be the last time.


I feel so numb right now. I just found out that my uncle is diagnosed with cancer.

I am really mad at myself for not visiting him some time last month with my parents. I figured I'd just see him at our next family gathering... which is right around the corner.

A couple of weeks ago, he was admitted into the E.R. and supposedly, they did not know what was wrong with him and omitted him that evening and set an appointment for him for March 15th. Appointment for what? I'm not sure... but thats what we were told.

This morning, he was admitted into the E.R. again and we were told that if we waited any longer, we could have lost him. What do they expect when they told us that he'd have to wait until March 15th? Now, they say that he is in his last stages.

He is a strong Man. He's my Dad's older Brother... but has the energy of any man in their twenties! I love him... and am praying for him. He's a strong Man and I love him so much for that.

Right now, I am just very upset at the doctors who did not look into this during his first visit weeks ago. A couple weeks can make a difference... I believe that. It would be nice to have known this during these last few weeks, you know? *sigh* I know that doctors aren't miracle workers, but I would think that they'd make more effort into trying to figure out what was wrong rather than sending a patient home with an appointment to see them again a month later. Ugh!

I'm an idiot!

WHY do I do and say things that I don't mean?

WHY don't I just realize it and stop myself while I'm doing it or before I do it?

WHY am I such an idiot?

Slap me!

If only I had the funds to SHOP... I'd feel a whole lot better!

March 4, 2009

California Bound!

My ticket to California next weekend has been bought. WTF. I can't believe I'm going again and my Baby isn't even there! Boooo! Oh well... quality time with the sisters! :)


I am so freakin' giddy right now! I love love love loooooooooooooove cute little love stories! They make me feel so warm and giddy inside! Ahhhh!!

Contemplating if I should go out tonight. I know its only Wednesday, but thats when the party really starts. LOL! Honestly, there is SOMETHING to do every night. I'm going to miss living here and always having something to do if I was completely bored out of my mind. With Ranny gone, Mary is my new partner in crime. Wuahhahah!

I think I'm actually going to start going through my things and throw out what I don't need (I hate doing that) and possibly donating things others might find useful (but what if I might find it useful in the future?). Does that make me selfish?

Although Narin told me that I shouldn't read anymore, I think thats all I really honestly wanna do right now. Read, read, read! I'm so hard headed.

In attempts to trying to give a friend advice, I should really start to take my own. Eh... I'll start that tomorrow... along with my diet!

Can't Sleep...

... as usual.

Its been a pretty interesting night. I laughed for a good hour or so and then spent a few just reminiscing and thinking. I had a nice chat with a friend and she made some really good points to me. Ahhh... if only I can be as wise and strong as she.

I've got so much growing up to do. I mean... a WHOOOOOOOLE lotta! We've come to the conclusion that I've got a GREAT imagination that overworks itself. I love reading too deeply into things. She said that thats my problem... reading! I never knew that this could be a problem, but apparently for me, it is! Its so true! I need to stop reading into things so much that usually drives me into overanalyzing things that I shouldn't.

I also came to realize how insecure I am with myself. WHY? I really don't know. Its an ongoing issue that I have and as much as I try to be more secure, my hard working imagination is back at it... putting thoughts into my head. Ahhh... what am I to do with myself?

I'll try to change. I'll really, really, really try! She gave me a tip and I am going to try my best to take her advice. Wish me luck! (Though I doubt myself, I really am going to try! Promise)

On another note, I also got a chance to briefly catch up with an old buddy of mine. She's going to get into more details about her exciting goodies stories today, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Okay... one more attempt at some zzzz since I'm now starting to yawn... getting bored with my own blog. Sad.

Nighty night!

March 3, 2009


He gave me butterflies (again) today! We actually got to talk for awhile... thank goodness! Ahhhh... can't wait to see him again! He would like for me to visit this month or next (supposedly, May is too long... and I couldn't agree more)... but I don't think thats going to work out. I'm chatting with Narin and now plotting my big visit! I'm soooo excited!

Okay... gonna go watch my weekly show now... Homeland Security, USA!! LOL! Its really good... check it out! ;)

What am I going to do?

He's been gone for 19 days and I have 86 more days to go. This is almost unbearable. I hate the feeling that he's so far away... much further than usual. I think what makes me miss him that much more is because I actually got to spend two consecutive weeks with him, and then its like I had to quit him cold turkey. LOL... that sounds funny, but there's no other way to describe it. Not even 1/5th of the way through this long three and a half months. :( I know I shouldn't be counting down like this... but how can I not? Ahhh... I think I'm going crazy!

My poor Baby misses his home cooked meals and meals outside of the cafeteria in general. I offered to send him some prahok ktis, but he declined. Booo! His loss! I don't know how he does it over there. He doesn't even have internet access, for crying out loud! (Besides the little connection that he can get through his phone) BUT... I am very proud of him because I sure as hell can't do what he's doing! :D

I am so excited to finally see him again in 86 days... maybe sooner if I do visit (I hope and I pray). I feel all giddy and giggly and cheesy whenever I think about him or talk about him. He really does make my heart pitter patter... and he still does! He is the best... love him, love him, love him!

Okay... I need to just STFU about Sam already, huh? Can't help it... I miss him so so so sooooooooooooooo much!

March 2, 2009

The City -- Guys are so DUMB!!

Okay before I get into the GUYS bullshit... let me just say that Olivia is such a conniving little biyatch who really needs to get slapped and fed. (LOL) She reminds me of a few people, but I won't name any names! ;) How do you walk around smiling and taking all the credit for something that you did not even do? Whitney has too much tolerance and patience. Really... she does.

Ughhhh... so Jay cheats on Whitney... someone who gave him a roof to stay under when he needs someone and he goes off betraying her and cheats on her while he's still living under her roof? Oh my gosh... WHO the FUCK does that? At first, I was like, "Jay's a good guy... he seems nice enough to trust... blah blah"... but who can you trust nowadays? Oh my gosh... !

AND... apparently (according to previews for the next episode), Whitney is still with him and he's once again leaving her in disappointment. Oh my gosh, Whitney! Can't you see that you can do and deserve so much better and so much more? My goodness!!!!

Okay... thats all, folks! LOL


I just made some pineapple curry fried rice and I am in love with my own cooking! LOL... actually, I'm in love with all types of cooking and all types of food! HAHA! No shame, no shame! The least picky eater and easiest to please! :D If I can impress my eight year old nephew... then thats all I need! Sam asks why I always try to cook when he's not here. I'm trying to wife myself up for him... and he questions me? Psshh!

Got to chat with Lily and Paline today about some wedding plans. Man... it was good times! I love catching up with them and they always make me laugh! All I gotta say is that we have some "interesting" guys on our hands! I dreamt that Durand and Sam were kissing the other night and actually woke up pisst off at Sam! I told Durand this and he thinks its pretty homo and I'm sick, tito! Whatevs! Lily confirmed that Durand misses Sam and is always like, "Sam this... Sam that". Boo! Honestly, if one of them was a girl, they'd probably be a match made in heaven! Lily said that Sam would be the girl and Durand would complain how Sam takes forever to get ready! HAHAHA... can't help it if my Man is so pretty and likes to take his time! :) To tell you the truth, I think that Sam misses Durand more than he misses me! Oh well.. whatever!! I can't wait until we all have kids and they start playing together. I wonder who I'm gonna try to hook my kids up with. LOL!

Beautiful Monday!

Sam passed his test this morning! YAY!!! I knew he would do great... he always does great! I'm so proud of my Baby!!!

I feel a whole lot better today, but still sort of whoozy. Its such a nice day and I am really looking forward to spending the rest of my day outside! I hope these beautiful type of days stick around for awhile. Yesterday, I was thinking to myself... WHAT IF it rains on my wedding? Man... I would probably cry my eyes out because it would be so messy! I know that the Khmer ceremony is indoors, but still! The kids can't run around outside and the deck that my Dad is starting to extend in the backyard would just be a total waste. :( I hope and I pray that it will be a beautiful day! :)

I wish I had a bike! I would definitely put it into good use on days like this! Ahhh... I miss running along the beach in California now. I had a lot of fun running by myself and it made me feel GREAT! Can't wait to move there... only 20 something more weeks. Holy shit... thats NOT a lot of time!!

March 1, 2009

Oh Damn...


Okay... so after much thought and believing that I was going to stay in all weekend, I was left with no other choice than to go out on Friday night. I mean... I was pretty much given no choice and no room for excuses since my wonderful friend Mary was coming to pick me up. It was a "Traffic Light" party... where if you're single then you're in green, red if you're taken, and yellow if you're somewhere in between. Of course, I was decked out in red... DUH! We got over to Unie's place, picked up Unie and Jane while Shine and Alan were driving next to us (LOL)... and then made it to Tia Lou's just in time. We got in... got drunk... but not drunk enough. Some dude came up to me and started talking to me as if it wasn't obvious that I was taken and kept on tryin' to talk to me. He wasn't ugly at first, but then became VERY ugly later. Anyway... later on Mary and I went upstairs to the balcony and he was talking to his friend and goes, "hey.. isn't that the girl I was tryin' to hit on?" and his friend was like, "yeah... blah blah blah... something something... I don't know". So the dude comes and tries to talk to me again. I'm friendly and I'm just like... yeah yeah... whatever whatever... small talk small talk... whatever, right? Then later on he was like, "so where's your boyfriend?" and I told him that he's not here... blah blah. Then his dumbass was like, "I bet he's a faggot, huh?"... and thats when I said HELL no and slapped the guy. Then he goes on tryin' to say some more shit to push me even more and I swear that if it wasn't for the other girls tryin' to hold Mary and I back, we probably would have killed him. Thank goodness Mary was there and was like, "actually, he's NOT a faggot... blah blah"... because I was just yelling at the f*cken idiot. Loser... seriously. Anyway... short man syndrome with nothing better to say and just talks out of his ass to make himself feel better. I doubt it worked though. If anything, he probably just felt more stupid.

So... Mary and I started getting HUNGRY for a cream cheese hot dog... and it was only 11 something PM... and so we decided to hop on out of Tia Lou's and sneak over to the hot dog stand in front of Venom (the best one). We got our hot dog and split it and decided to get another one later (haha) and then stopped at Venom because we felt so guilty for never going there anymore. We were greeted with our favorite bouncer who immediately handed us the VIP passes and drink tickets and told us to have some drinks on him. HAHA.. we love Nergio!! Then... went in and Zac insisted on buying us drinks. So we couldn't decline... haha! Within 15 minutes, we just had three shots. Holy shit... we forgot that we left our friends at Tia Lou's... along with our coats in coat check! So we told them that we'd be back and you can tell that they didn't believe us and thought that we were just using them for the free drinks... but that wasn't the case! Luckily these clubs are within a block distance from each other! Anyway... we went back to Tia Lou's... and Lee and his roommates showed up! YAY!!! So... I texted Zac and asked if he can get my friends back into Venom and of course he replied with OF COURSE!! So... before we made our way back to Venom, this guy insisted on buying Mary and I a drink. We're like... SURRRRRE! And he bought us each a double shot of crown! WTF! I did NOT wanna drink that shit and was trying so hard to sneak away to give it to Lee but the dude was following me and there was NO WAY that I could have gave it away without him seeing it. So yup... had to take the drinks there. LOL! Then... left to Venom and Dao was so excited that she ran down the hill and fucken fell! OMG! She's so crazy! Oh yeah... Jane came too! YAY!!! I think Lee's a little sprung on her at the moment! HAHA... got back to Venom and saw my freakin' cousins there! It was a mini family reunion and then I don't remember, but there were two shots given to me back to back, I took them, and the rest of the night was a freakin' blur!!

The next morning, I woke up at the edge of Unie's bed and apparently, I wouldn't eat the other hot dog they got me at the end of the night... I don't remember how we got our coats back from Tia Lou's... and they told me that we all went to eat in Chinatown and I refused to get out of the car and I slept in the car the whole time. Holy shit... I don't think its ever been that bad for me. I mean... HOW IN THE WORLD DO I GIVE UP FOOD????? Oh... and Roth took us home and we left the car in chinatown. I threw up that morning... Mary brought me home... and I stayed in bed for 30 hours straight. Notice I didn't even log online yesterday and I didn't make it out to Melaine's birthday nor Jill's. HORRIBLE! Never doing that again! Oh yeah... thank you Lee, Roth, and David for the 40 something missed calls that night. I don't know what they wanted, but they were blowing up my phone and I didn't even realize it. Usually, I would wake up to my phone even when its on silent! Oh... and drunken texts are horrible. I don't think I wanna bring my phone out with me anymore. HAHA!

Okay... so there I go letting out my dirty laundry about a drunken night but whatever. This will be a reminder to me... don't drink so much anymore. I honestly wasn't planning on going out... but even Sam encouraged me to go out, so now I blame it on him! HAHAHA!!!

Oh... and did I mention that while waiting for Mary, I decided to give myself bangs? Haha... not sure if I really like it, but too late! It will grow back in a few days... watch!