LFO - RIP Rich Cronin :(

Yesterday was a sad day.  Rich Cronin of LFO (He is the blonde one in the picture to the left) died of Leukemia at the young age of 35. Who could forget the catchy songs like "Summertime" and "Girl on TV"?  I am a huge fan of boy bands, and LFO was one of the bands whose song always brought a smile to my face.  Abercrombie & Fitch better have paid them lots of money for their indirect promotion because I swear they made the brand that much more popular.  I only had about 6 or 7 Abercrombie pieces in my closet, but I will admit that part of the reason why I purchased those pieces was because of the line, "I like girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch".  HELLOOOO... I wanna be liked by LFO so of course I'm going to wear it... or try to wear it!

"Girl on TV" was also one of my favorites... I used to wish that I was Jennifer Love Hewitt in the video!  Gosh, I was such a teeny bopper... and a little something inside me tells me that I still am!

Although we haven't heard much from LFO as of late, Rich Cronin will be truly missed.  He's beautiful... and in my opinion, puts Nick Carter to shame (sorry BSB... I love you too... but I'm just sayin'!).  *sigh*  Rest in Peace, Rich... I really hope the Chinese Food up there doesn't get you sick anymore and that the Angels around you wear Abercrombie & Fitch.

Lets reminisce a little bit...

Summertime
Girl on TV

YAYYY!

Its Sam's Friday! Don't ask me about his schedule... it is what it is and its freakin' weird! BUT... just glad his weekend starts tomorrow! Whats even more weird is that he has Wednesday, Thursday off... then goes to work on Friday... then off Saturday and Sunday for Laughlin! Thank goodness they approved because he really wants to go! I wanna go too, of course, but not as badly as him! He needs a vacation though... my poor Baby!

I'm such a food junkie. Every morning, I wake up thinking about what I want to try cooking that day. I think about it the night before too. I wanna try new things and this is fun. Trust me... its only gonna last for a little bit. Thats how I always am... get really into something and then forget about it!

Mommy talks to me like I'm an adult. Its weird. I miss her and my Dad... and the kiddos... and the siblings. Damn... I just miss everyone!

Job searching is ay-okay... haven't found anything I really like yet. Everything that I've gotten called back for is just way too far. Ugh! Maybe I should just open up my own business already and work for myself. Too bad lemonade stands won't pay the bills because I was once really good at it!

I feel like going through all my clothes today and reorganize my wardrobe. Yeah... thats what I shall do! :D

Owwie!

I think I pulled something in my leg. For some reason, it freakin' aches and there's nothing I can do about it. I already tried rubbing some tiger/monkey balm stuff on it but it hasn't helped any. WHAT AM I TO DO?

So last night I was talking to Sam. Apparently, he got sort of mad at me for something I had said over the weekend, but I had NO IDEA what I had said. He said that we need to have a serious talk. WTF? Then... he told me that I kept saying that I hate my life. OKay.... FALSE because I would never say something like that and mean it. I love my life! :D So we had this argument going back and forth debating if whether or not I said it. I know myself... I didn't say it. Blah blah... we let it go. Then I said, "Fuck My Life"... because it was something that I had been saying all weekend long because of this website, http://www.fmylife.com/ . Then he's like, "There! Thats exactly what you said!" Uhmmm... okay... its this thing that we had been saying all weekend since Jackie had been hooked on this site and was reading it 24/7! Everytime something stupid or silly happens, we say, "FML" or "Fuck My Life". Sam didn't know that and got all crazy on me because I had said, "Fuck My Life"! I don't remember why I said it, but it was probably because I spilled something on myself. I know Sovina said it after we drew on her face and she fell asleep in the bathtub (LOL... good times!)

BUT duuuuuuuuuude! This whole time I've been beating myself up because of something I had said and don't remember that had caused Sam to be this upset with me. LOL! He ended up laughing because he had no idea what the site was about but just got mad that I kept on saying the phrase. MAN! Who told him to jump into conslusions? FML!

Oh... and another FML moment that my Facebook friends have already seen, I ran over a bunny on Easter! LOL... I drove back just to see if I really did kill it, and I did. I'm horrible! The responses I got cracked me up though (still horrible, I know)... but here they are:

(couldn't fit all of them in one... here's the rest)


Easter Bunny DID exist (not anymore... lol!)

Picking Up...

Slowly but surely picking the pieces back up. My Uncle is in a better place and though my heart still aches and often feels empty, I am starting to accept and live with this fact. He is very much loved and will never be forgotten.

Thanks to everyone for their concerns, prayers, thoughts, and kind words. Whether it be MySpace, Facebook, text, email, comment, or phone calls (which I got very many of), I really appreciated every single one of them. Its times like these when I really appreciate the little things which mean most. Its also times like these when I realize who my true friends are and who actually really cares about me enough to take 10 seconds of their time to acknowledge what I'm going through. Definitely not a cry for attention, but a nice wake up call and realization of who will probably care most or be there for me when I need them most. I needed great people to talk to, and my true friends did not hesitate to give me a call and lend me their ear and shoulder. :)

I am blessed with some wonderful people in my life... the best family and the best friends. I've learned not to take anyone for granted and to express my feelings and gratitude towards those I love more often. My Mom is great with "I Love You's"... and I think I'm starting to pick it up from her.

My family... is amazing! Where would I be without them? Ahhh... I don't even want to imagine. I know that we get into our little fights and petty BS... but at the end of the day, I know that I couldn't ask for more. I'm looking forward to family reunions. My Cousin (Bong Voeun) said that he does not want to have to wait until tragic hits to actually hang out as a family. Its hard to get everyone together... especially considering how big my family is. BUT... we are definitely going to work on that. I promise.

...

Rest in Peace, Oum. I know that you're in a much better place now with no pain and suffering. You have a HUGE family that loves you and misses you very much... I'm sure you already know that. There are so many memories that I have of you and please be assured that they will live on forever. I love you... so so much.

-Kmouy Thyda

Life can be so cruel and so cold...

My Uncle's biopsy results came in. The rest of the family was to show up at the hospital at 2pm to speak to the Doctor and hear the news all together and ask questions, if any. The Doctor showed up at 12:20pm and only my Sister and I were there with my Uncle. We asked him to wait until 2pm to speak to the rest of the family since that was the time that we agreed on the day prior. He said, "I'll only be here for 15 minutes and then you won't see me again for two days. I'm a busy person, thats just the way my life is". How cold and heartless, mother fucker! His name is Dr. Senical (cynical)... his name suits him perfectly, it seems.

I was not prepared to tell my Uncle... but my Sister and I had to. Holding his hand, you can see the hurt in his face when we were telling him. I was heartbroken and torn and hated myself for being the one who had to tell my Uncle that he was dying. I tried to tell him to be strong and keep fighting because we are all going to fight WITH him. He asked me if there's a cure. I told him no. He asked if surgery was an option. Again, I had to tell him no. From that point on (yesterday), he had been so miserable.

My poor Uncle... hurting in many more ways than one and I am watching him and there's not a DAMN thing that I can do about it. I hate myself for this. I'd rather be the one laying there in that bed than him. He does not deserve this and it hurts to see him suffer like that.

Since we gave him the news, his spirits crushed. He has not stayed awake for more than five minutes at a time. When he's asleep, we can see the pain in his face and again, not a damn thing we can do. He hasn't been able to get up or eat... he does not even have the energy to sip water with his straw.

This is byfar the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life. Its really a wake up call and I'm still learning so much from this. :( I feel this pain in my chest and my heart... and its killing me inside.

I know that at this point, its hard to stay in denial. I'm slowly starting to accept this fact of life and though its so hard and painful to accept, its inevitable. I just really hope that when the time comes, my Uncle will not be suffering or hurt. He's a great Man and deserves so much more than this. Life isn't fair... its rather cruel and cold and at the moment, I am angry with it.

Although I am preparing myself for the worst, I am still expecting the best. I have not given up hope and am still continuing to pray.

(this is hard for me to talk about in full details.... I still feel so numb inside with a stab through my chest and my heart)

Torn

The biopsy test results didn't come in today as expected. My Sister and I got to the hospital around 8am... couldn't get much sleep last night either. HOW do you go to bed peacefully knowing that someone you love so much is suffering and in so much pain? We tried not to leave his side at any time because we knew that he was scared and didn't want to be alone. Everytime that we had to step out of his room, we'd let him know. He hated being alone, we can tell.

My two sisters, my cousin, and I were asked to speak to the doctor to figure out where we are at at this point. It was an emotional and difficult one... probably the hardest hour I've had to sit through. My oldest sister is unofficially our family's spokesperson, and I really don't know how she does it. I am very thankful for her... especially during times like these.

My Uncle was doing so well yesterday. He wanted to get better and tried his very best to do what he can that we told him might make him feel better and stronger. Today, I told him that stretching will help his muscles and five minutes later, he asked me to help him stretch.

It took a turn today. He was not feeling well and started throwing up blood. It started once every few hours. Before I left, it was every twenty minutes. I asked the nurse how long this vomiting would last... and she told me that it will last "until its over"... you know what that means. I was not prepared for this... especially after seeing what I thought was progress yesterday.

Its 12:30am... told my cousin that I'll be at the hospital by 5:30am so that he can go to work. Tempted to just go back now. I can't rest nor sleep like this.

He HAS to get better... at least for a little bit so that he can finally enjoy life. He'd worked too hard all his life. This just isn't fair.

I love you, Uncle! You will get better... you have to. I have faith in you... I really, really, do.

(I can't express how I truly feel at the moment... no words can really explain this hurt and pain I feel right now.)