Irritated

I'm very upset that I allowed myself to get too involved in other people's lives. Its annoying having to witness something that bothers you so much happen right in front of your face... especially when its people that you care about. Whats worse is when people involved tell you that you have no right to do or say as you did. Then, to accuse you of not caring?

My gosh... if I didn't care, I wouldn't have given a rats' ass about the situation in the first place, now would I?

Slap in the face... literally.

I've realized that I've got quite a temper and can become quite violent. What sucks is that I always feel guilty the very next morning.

I'm trying to promise myself not to care so much and not to get involved... I hope I don't break this promise... but its so hard not to.

We shall see.

He Loves Me! :D

My Loves

On Friday when I was on the plane, I got a chance to do some thinking and reflecting. I realize that I've came across a lot of people in my life. Different personalities, ages, and beliefs. I've made friends pretty easily... but I've also lost friends. Don't get me wrong... this isn't a bad thing. You can't be everyone's best friend and there's no point in trying. I know that I'm a friendly person and usually pretty easy to get along with... but even so, I have my pet peeves and annoyances. Heck... I know that people are often annoyed by me... but it doesn't really bother me too much unless the person actually means something to me or I even care about them. People grow up at different rates despite the equivalence of ages. I had a handful of girlfriends who I thought were going to be my best friends until eternity. But as we grew older, we realized that we have different views in things... different priorities and beliefs. I mean... its only natural for people to grow apart through time because no one is really made truly identical... especially when it comes to anything beyond the surface. I still love those girls and think that they are great people with much ahead of them... but right now, it might be a good thing that we aren't as close as we used to be. Perhaps we can all grow up to be the best people we can be and then come together in the future to rebuild our bonds and friendships. I have hope. Right now, I have a handful of close girlfriends that I can really learn from and look up to. I know that they genuinely care for me because there is more to our friendship than drunken nights, clubbing to the wee hours, and boy talks. I grew out of that stage. These ladies have good heads on their shoulders and are very admirable. Though I've only known them for 4, 5, or 6 years... I feel like no other "friends" know me the way they do.

Venting?

Its been awhile since I've gotten a chance to fully write in my blog. Well, I have been posting things every now and then, but it doesn't express how I feel truly because 1. I don't have enough time, 2. Tried to refrain from getting too personal in my blogs because there have been times when it was used against me in not so pretty ways, 3. People always seem to think that I'm writing about them when they are probably the furthest thing from my mind. But you know what? Screw it? Its kind of pointless to have a blog if you can't really express yourself. If that was the case, I might as well just cut and paste passages on here that I've found through google, right? Or maybe a chain letter that everyone and their mamas are letting rest in their spam box? I don't know....

Anyway... work is really kicking me in the butt right now. Sometimes, I wish that I am not perceived the way I am/was. I think that people that I work closest to assume that I'll just KNOW certain things and they decide to skip the whole training/advising step. I mean, its true that I love to solve problems and figure things out on my own, but some things are just not meant for me to take my time to solve and figure out because when things don't turn out right or are delayed, its going to be my ass that was the reason for it to fail or delayed. In a way, I am flattered that they have so much belief in me, but at the same time... its pretty unfair. Oh well... hopefully I've already learned everything that I need to know that they assume that I just know. Did you follow? On the other hand, some things ARE my fault. I slack off too much for my own good... no denial there. I get distracted easily and it interferes with my work. I really need to focus and knuckle down... I have bills to pay and can't afford to be unemployed for even a day. Work hard, Thyda... work hard.