June 12, 2007

Smashbox Model Search 2007

So only a few weeks ago, I decided to enter the contest that I had been intrigued by for months. I am quite a chicken and was afraid of entering because all of the girls were pretty and I was VERY intimidated. I noticed that there were people joining every day... some with nothing more but a cell phone picture. Having done only a few photo shoots in the past, I figured that I had nothing to lose and to just go ahead and join to see how it all worked. The competition started in March, but I didn't join until mid May. I was obviously really behind since the first phase was over in June... June 10th to be exact. I thought to myself that there was no way in heck that I would make it to the second phase with such little time since there were over 6,000 contestants already in the run. I told a few friends about it and they started to vote and spread the word. Surprisingly, I moved up and was amongst the first half within a day. Haha... I know that being in the higher half of 6,000 people in a competition with only one grand prize winner is nothing to really brag about, but I was excited regardless!

I truly believed that only one vote counted throughout the competition from each IP address. Seeing that the girl ranking at first place had over 12,000 votes and I had a mere 100 or 200, I lost hope once again. There was no way in heck I can get even 100 more votes than I already had at the time. The very next day, a friend told me that he was able to vote once again. i gave it a shot... and so was I! I guess the votes reset each day and you can vote once each day from each IP address. I soon learned that the votes reset at midnight. I regained hope! YAY! I set a goal for myself... to at least make it amongst the top 50 and become a semi-finalist. The small amount of makeup as the prize for doing so wasn't so bad either. ;)

Myspace bulletins, KC threads, and mass emails were made... some by me and most by my friends. Within only a week, I was amongst the top 200! Thats pretty good if you ask me... considering my late entry and the number of contestants altogether. I was on a high and was excited... and overwhelmed at the same time. I told (asked) people to vote for me. At first I thought that I was being pretty pathetic for asking people to vote and was afraid that people would ridicule and criticize me for being an aspired model... apparently. But then I sat back and thought to myself that opportunities don't always just sit and wait at your doorstep and an open mouth is never fed... if I want something, I'm going to have to do and work for it myself. And so, I did. Oh... and I know that I'm not the thinnest nor am I the prettiest girl to grace the Earth... I never claimed to be. Throughout my 22 years of existence, I was sometimes praised, but very often mocked and criticized. Trust me... I have gotten used to it and should probably always expect it by now. Though I must admit, I was still a little butthurt for about a second... but then I thought to myself, everyone is entitled to their opinions and I am in no position to try to change their mind or opinion on me. In fact, I know that I am not everyone's favorite person and I never exactly tried to be either. I am no exception to karma, never thought I'd be given any slack either. There are a FEW people that I have taunted as well and I have no tendency of denying any of it... but I know for a fact that I have a reason for doing and saying everything. Said individuals are well aware of my reasons also, though I can't promise that they'll own up to it nor will they ever be done with their denial stage. Oh well... things happen for a reason and we live and learn, right? So to answer any curiosities as to if I'm hurt by any criticism, yes. I won't deny the fact that mean things said about me does concern me... but just know that it doesn't hurt too much nor does it last too long. In fact, I thank you for being honest and saying how you truly feel. As cliche as it may be, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". Thank you.

More over, I was (and I still am) amazed and flattered by all the people who have shown me much support. By the end of the first round, I had well over 4,000 votes and was ranking amongst the top 20. I MADE IT! I was beyond flattered and appreciative of all of the support that I have gotten through the first round of the competition. Each word of encouragement that I received from friends, family, acquaintances... even complete strangers melted my heart and lifted my spirits. My loved ones showed me 10 times as much support that I could have ever asked for. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Now I am on to the second round in this surprisingly intense competition. The votes did not reset like we all had thought it would, so the competition is so much tougher than I have imagined. Being amongst the top 10 of these women is a far fetch and again, I was starting to lose hope after seeing the number of votes they had. But after seeing that my vote count jumped at roughly 300 within the first day of the second round, my glass is half full again! If only the votes would stay at that steady rate, I do have a chance! So here I am, with my optimistic hopes of making it... working my butt off and trying to better myself physically and mentally... hoping that maybe one day I will have a chance and will make it somewhere in this extremely tough industry. I even took a few minor steps into changing my habits and my focus. I need to be more productive and focus on myself... work for what I want. Time is precious and I can't exactly bargain nor ask for more... so I will make the best use of it for my own benefit. I miss my old rituals and routine, but I just know that most changes are good and are meant to happen at some point. Most of the time, its for the better. I'll pick up on whatever it is that I left behind once I get the ball moving though.

There are many, many beautiful women amongst the top 50... and I'd be lying if I said that I deserved a higher ranking than ANY of them. I'm already happy knowing that I surpassed my goal, but I am even more pleased knowing that I still have many people who love and support me. I realized that even though there are a few that only hope to see me fail, there are still many that care for me and would like the best for me and see me succeed. Honestly, that is a much more valuable prize than any money or fame can buy.

Once again, thank YOU.

Yours truly,


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