August 25, 2007

Changes

My phone buzzed this morning at 7am like it usually does every morning. About ready to call my boyfriend to wake him up for the day like I always do, it hit me... its Saturday. I laid there in bed just staring up at the ceiling for a moment. I wondered, "what the heck am I going to do today?". Had my days become so routined that I can barely tell the difference between a weekend from a weekday anymore? Is there no more excitement to my weekends? What's wrong with me?

A friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday, "you've changed". Thinking that he meant I have changed in a negative way, I tried to get him to tell me how I've changed... and if it was such a bad thing. I know that I have switched in my nonstop partying every night that ends with a "y" ways for a more reserved and kick back and relax at home ways, but I don't see how thats such a bad thing. I guess we can't please everybody. When I was once upon a time a party girl, Thyda... everyone thought I was just that... a party girl. I hated that title and that image everyone perceived me as because I know that I am much much more than just that. Now that I am out and about only once a week, if not less, people give me crap for this "change" and have deemed me an old hag or a party pooper. What is a girl to do to avoid giving these misperceptions of me? I know that its safe to keep out of the extremes, but I thought that just going out on special occasions such as friends' birthdays or other celebrations would be moderate, but apparently, its not.

I know I should care less of what and how others perceive me, but how can I fully ignore it when I have some pride and it bothers me when people see me for who I am not? As much as one denies caring of what people think of them, you know we all do at some point... just to different extents.

So tell me.... am I wrong for changing? I thought changes were normal and we all go through it at times... but why do I get shit for changing? Hmmm...?

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