February 28, 2010

Growing Up Doesn't Mean Growing Old.

So much has changed.

If you would have known me 5 or 6 years ago, or just simply read some of my blogs or my postings in various online communities, you would probably agree that I am not someone you'd want to befriend. Thats fine... I don't blame you. Looking back, I don't think I would want to be my friend either.

Growing up, I was once upon a time the nice girl who people didn't think could ever get angry or upset. I think I just tried too hard to be nice to people and made people believe that I could never get angry. It was only a matter of time until I exploded. And by that, I mean that all my anger, frustration, and emotions that I bottled up inside just blew up in everybody's faces to a point where I was deemed the bad girl, the bully, the drama queen. Whatever title I was given, it was probably deserved. Do I regret it though? Eh... not really.

I was sick and tired of people walking all over me and taking advantage of my "kindness". So what did I start to do when I exploded? I spoke my mind and said how I felt. For that reason, I don't really have regrets. I was mean... really really mean. Actually, I was a bitch. BUT... only to those that I felt deserved it.

I wasn't one of those bullies that go around picking on nice guys for no reason. I had my reason... always always had my reasons. There were some things that I could have done in a nicer way and there were some things that I did that may have crossed a line or two, but I still don't regret it because the people involved and know the whole story would probably agree that it was deserved. Not trying to justify my actions... I'm just saying.

That was all in the past though. Now, I don't really care to spend any extra time on petty little issues. Some situations and people just don't deserve the extra time and attention. *shrugs*

I have learned to cut people out of my life if I need to. I still speak my mind, but only those who are worthy deserve a piece of my mind. Does that make sense?

I am a lot happier as a person not spending extra time looking into petty little dramas. I have learned to only be considerate of people who deserve it. I also learned to care about people that deserve the care. It should always be like this... I just don't know why it took me so long to realize it.

Things that happened in the past is just that... the past. I forgive. I forget. But rarely do I regret. I take it as a lesson learned. If people that I've had issues with in the past were to come to me to try to talk things out with me, I'd give them the time of day only because I would want them to let things go like I have. Life is too short to hold grudges. Our hearts are too small to let any hatred in.

Bottom line is... don't sweat the small stuff. There is a bigger world out there and many other things that we should be focusing on. Grow up.


  1. first, I never thought you were a drama queen or bully, or whatever other title you say you were given. You may sometimes be over-dramatic on certain issues, but I don't think that makes you a drama queen :)

    I'm glad and so proud to see you evolve into this realization that certain people are just unworthy of your time and thoughts.

    One thing that I haven't learned to do - and that is to forget. i forgive...but i just can't forget. If I forget, then I'm afraid that the lesson learned can be forgottened. To me, you learn and you move on.

  2. Awww thanks Bong Nieng!! :D

    And about the whole forgetting thing... I have my short term memory to thank for that. Seriously, I really do forget. Not intentionally, but it just happens. Good thing because I have other stuff to occupy that memory space, you know what I mean? When I let go of bad memories, I make room for good memories. Oh shit... I'm gonna twitter that! LOL

  3. HAHA!
    Ok while i was reading this I'm thinking to myself wow this is like me in a lot of ways. I skipped over the being to everyone part. I just started realizing who was not worth keeping in my life and I stopped trying to be their friend. If they wanted to talk or hang out I would. But when I make a close friend I put a lot of me into it. I try to help them anyway i can and just be the friend i want. Well I found myself being stepped on more often. I learned its not worth it. Because your not happy that way. Its such a relief when you get to the point of your life where you just want to be happy. And you learn not to sweat the little stuff. Of course that definition will change through each person but its worth making that step. :)

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  6. Heidi - Its nice to filter out your life every now and then, isn't it? I felt like I just got a brand new facial or massage or something... just nice! :)

    I'm glad we both realized this now than 10 years down the road with a head full of unnecessary greys.

    Have a good one! :)

  7. I'm definitely like this, when I was younger and now.

    I still have trouble letting go of all my anger, but a lot of prayer to the Universe, and exercise help to quell the feelings of aggravation and stress.

    Stress makes mess. Emotionally and physically!

  8. I learned that its much more fun being bubbly and happy and fun (like I usually am) than angry. Try it! :)

  9. Being positive is most definitely the way to go! Being angry only hurts you. Its so worth it i promise! :)